these are the things i do.

some things are black and white.

2011-03-14T15:13:00.000-04:00

March will be the final month of my internship at Jefferson Street Baptist Center. The time I've spent in the Hope for Louisville program and as an intern has been many things, but it will primarily be marked as a period of growth. I have learned much about myself, about Jesus, about homelessness, about community, about addiction...about life. I have developed new skills in administration, event planning, web development, graphic design, fundraising, and more. It is certain that I have profited from this experience in countless, immeasurable quantities. My prayer is that I have been able to give some of it back. My prayer is that somehow JSBC has profited from me. My prayer is that the people in my life have profited from this experience -- that you have profited. My prayer is for ripples of change and growth. I pray that what I have gained will impact others, who will impact others…who will impact others. Lord, hear these prayers!

Your support has made the last 1.5 years possible. I am so thankful – amazed – and thankful. I hope you have come to understand and believe in the mission of JSBC and that you will continue to support this ministry as they serve the homeless and hurting. I hope to continue volunteering in an administrative capacity and on a weekly or bi-weekly basis at 733 Relief (formerly The Day Shelter). I won't be sending monthly updates, but I do hope to keep blogging: jcwillyams.blogspot.com

A dear friend and brother passed away at the end of February. Joey was an amazing man. He survived some extremely difficult times over the past several years. We have seen him go from skeletal to healthy, to overweight, to frail, to vibrant, to crazy, to hilarious and everything in-between. Through it all, he found a passion for Christ that overcame depression. My friend Caleb from the Hope team developed a friendship with Joey that was inspiring and touching. I think the love and care Caleb gave him truly helped to change his life. It is sad to remember Joey's laugh and not hear it. It's sad to know he's gone, but I am overcome with Joy. He had deep pain and hardship on earth, physically and emotionally. I am filled with joy as I picture him embracing Christ in a beautiful heavenly body.

Death is so important to life. We often wonder in the face of death, why? But death makes everything so clear. It illuminates the true black and white qualities that are present in the world. You are either dead or alive. You are either saved or unsaved. There are awkward moments of transition, but eventually you will always fall to either one or the other…and of course it makes an incalculable difference. Right now, I have the two most amazing qualities I can fathom: life and salvation. It is embarrassing and pitiful to realize how often I take these for granted. How often do I want more? How often am I unhappy? How often do I allow others to die without salvation to avoid sacrificing my own comfort?

We are told: "...whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all." (Mark 10:43-44) It is not my priority to serve others. My priority is to serve my own desires. I pray that my heart would begin to change. I don't want to become an errand boy for the people in my life, but I do want to serve people for Jesus. That doesn't mean giving people all the things they want, but it means being compassionate. It means loving and caring for people when they are hurt and broken. It means sharing the gospel so that others may experience life and salvation. I pray that my primary concern each day would be to do these things. I pray that this would overcome my desire for relaxation, my desire for the material, my desire for comfort. Please pray for me.

True story: after a fire destroyed the entirety of a one man's house and possessions he was taught a life changing lesson. In the aftermath of the tragedy friends returned some of the items he had given or lent to them. Do you realize the irony? The only things he had left were the things he had given away. It is written: "Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. (Matthew 6:19-20). Joey had little to nothing on this earth. His possessions consisted of a few household basics, a limited assortment of aged clothing, some books, and a few miscellaneous objects. His true treasures were found in interacting with those he loved, in conversations about God, in conversations with God -- his treasures were laid in heaven. Not even death could destroy his treasure. "O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?" (1 Corinthians 15:55)

There are amazing people that visit, live, and serve at Jefferson Street Baptist Center. They are children of God. They are our brothers and sisters. The homeless and hurting are often generalized, stereotyped, lumped together, despised and forgotten. I hope you, like I, have come to realize that each of these people have a name. Each of these people have a story. Each of these people have something to give. And we have so much we can give to them. If you, like I, have found that you lay up earthly treasures. If you, like I, have found that you serve yourself more than others. If you, like I, have allowed someone to live one day closer to death without salvation. ...I pray for both of us. I pray that God would light a fire in our hearts. I pray that we would be moved with compassion. May we give sacrificially, may we love deeply, may we live passionately. And may we do it in the name of Christ, by the power of the Holy Spirit, for the glory of God.

Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your support. Thank you for your friendship. You are a treasure.

Live Passionately,

JC Williams

Please donate: http://jeffersonstreet.org/beyondrelief/jcwilliams

if you don't want to get exploded then keep moving forward.

2011-02-03T15:38:00.000-05:00

So 2011 has been firmly established. It made sure to start with some pops and bangs. I suppose it didn't want to be "just another year." The funny thing is...as significant as some of those bangs and pops seem to be (sometimes they feel like nuclear warfare), a few years down the road it will probably become "just another year." Surely many important things have happened and will happen, but the numbers blend together. We don't know quite when it happened, simply that it did. The details blur and before we know it - the event itself isn't what's important anymore, rather, it's the change connected with it. We change with each pop. The explosions in our life propel us onward, shaping a path for our lives. It is often these moments that can significantly alter our existence. It is often these moments that block pathways to destruction and send us tumbling back to the path we were meant for. That's why in all things we can give thanks to God. For as Satan creates pitfalls, the Lord makes them slides. They aren't always a smooth ride, but when we begin to trust in him, we stop feeling so many bumps, instead we feel His steady pull. And we reach out to those we meet so they can join the ride.

I'm sure that by now you have come to see that life is a roller coaster. We go up, down, and around faster then we can keep up with. Sometimes going up can be terrifying because the higher you go - the longer the next drop may be. This is when it becomes so important to have the constant pull of God. When we have God's steady hand pulling us on, the high's and low's aren't what's important, instead we realize that we can simply keep moving forward. If you've seen Meet the Robinson's, a Disney movie that came out a couple years ago, you may remember the line repeated throughout the movie: "Keep moving forward." It's a beautiful line, but only if you are moving towards something beautiful. You can't keep moving forward to nothing. You can't keep moving forward towards destruction. But many do. Many move forward towards destruction-in-disguise. They move forward towards worldly, temporary things. What's the point? Why move forward towards something that will simply collapse beneath you? Often, it's because it's what we know. It's the only answer we see. A new house - that's the answer. A new car - that's the answer. More money - that's the answer. We keep moving forward to new goals. Each collapses beneath us. Or it raises us up so high that when it finally drops us - death is certain.

Tony has been moving forward towards success. Towards the normal life. Towards acceptance in the eyes of the world. He doesn't get very high up, but when things collapse, even the small drops are huge shocks that leave him grasping for escapes. Alcohol. Lust. These things have a pull as well, a downward pull. They are the anchors that keep him from climbing up. But he keeps moving forward. And we remind him that there is something beautiful he can move towards. There is something pulling him despite his anchors. Something interceding for him. Something that prays for him. Something that urges him to stop dragging anchors. Something that will bring him freedom. Or rather, someone.

It is so easy to forget. It is so easy to give up. It is so easy to let the anchors sink you. It is so easy to chase the world before you. It is easy. But it is also easy to surrender. It is easy to drop everything and allow Him to pull you instead. Or at least it sounds easy. It should be easy. But as we struggle to obey God, as we struggle to abandon sin, we realize that it's hard! It's hard to give it all to God. We see this paradox in scripture. We hear Jesus cry out - follow me, my yoke is easy, my burden is light. But then we hear him compare entering heaven to a camel passing through the eye of a needle. Why? Why is it hard? Because a rich man clings to his riches. Because a worldly man clings to the world. Christ would pull us out if we would only let go. He would rescue us if we would only take his hand. He would transform us if only we would turn to face him. Do we have that much faith? Do we have enough faith to let go? Do we have enough faith to give it up? Do we have enough faith to turn our back on the world and face Jesus? We don't know where he will take us. We don't know what that path will look like. But it won't look like the one we followed without him.

My path is beginning to look scarily similar to the path I once walked. I feel like things are resetting...back to where I began before God took my hand. I feel like I have gone in a circle. Not a pointless circle - there were definite purposes…but still if I don't do something, will I repeat it? I used to say that faith was like a spiral. Before, we were trapped in a circle, doomed to repeat the same mistakes in the circular design of this world - but when Christ saved us, we found ourselves in a spiral. There were still high's and low's, but not quite the same as before, for we weren't starting over, we were steadily getting closer. We were being pulled inevitably towards him, even in the darkest seasons. I hold to this.

I'm not exactly sure what's to come. I'm not exactly sure when the season changes. But I know that I have entered the spiral. Even in the darkest season, God is there to guide me through. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil, for He is with me.

It's painful to live here sometimes. There are so many who walk through the valley of the shadow of death. They are dragging so much weight. They are tired, weary, scared, and broken. And enslaved. Many find freedom in Christ - and the transformation is truly miraculous...but so many crumble. They are in need of our prayers, our fellowship, and the message we have been entrusted. That's what we do at JSBC on a daily basis. We strive to pray, fellowship, and share the gospel with the homeless and hurting. Thanks for continuing to help make it possible. You play a vital part.

Finding Thankfullness

2011-01-20T15:01:00.000-05:00

It can be a hard thing to be thankful in the face of so many troubles. It hasn't been an easy week. With the car wreck, the totaled car, being sick, stressful job situations, money troubles, family battles, rental car issues, and the mini stresses of everyday life I find myself in need of rest. It took a lot I suppose. I knew I needed to rest before, but i was looking for that rest in the wrong places, I had forgotten a simple truth that warms my heart and sends goosebumps down my spine:

28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Matthew 11

It was not I who needed rest, not my physical body or my mental state...it was my soul. There is no chicken soup for the soul: there is only Jesus...I had been slowly allowing that to become knowledge rather then application - a horrible place to be. That is lukewarm. Lukewarm soup does nothing for your soul.

I heard a wonderful line at church this week, "we are not just learners, we are followers." Lord Jesus, if only I could apply this truth! I must learn about you, but I will only truly learn if I follow - otherwise I will lose site of you...otherwise I will follow one of satan's many devious paths. I am so thankful that even as we get caught in silly worldly prayers and circumstances, Jesus has sent the spirit to intercede. The spirit moves us to pray for one another, he intercedes on our behalf, he prays knowing the true longings of our soul. And those prayers are always answered.

It was of great comfort to read this truth as stated by Spurgeon,

"How encouraging is the thought of the Redeemer's never-ceasing intercession for us. When we pray, He pleads for us; and when we are not praying, He is advocating our cause, and by His supplications shielding us from unseen dangers. We little know what we owe to our Saviour's prayers. When we reach the hill-tops of heaven, and look back upon all the way whereby the Lord our God hath led us, how we shall praise Him who, before the eternal throne, has pleaded our cause against our unseen enemies. "But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not.""

Lord, may I not lose site of the truly important, may my soul burn for you with an unquenching fire. May I rest only in you and your ways, may I be blind to the worldly temptations, but see everything as you do - tools for your glory and objects of your great love. Even in the depths of despair and misfortune may I know you are there, interceding on my behalf, drawing me closer to you and shining with a radiant glory. Thank you Jesus! Amen.

hope is more than a seasonal tradition.

2010-12-21T15:47:00.001-05:00

The other day we had four donations arrive, one after another. Jackets, socks, shirts, and more. It is a time of giving - the season evokes our passion to bless one another. It is encouraging for us as a ministry, but a bittersweet feeling lingers. Into January the donations will fade. As heat returns the jackets will be discarded. All that will remain is a faint memory of the hope and the empty hole of its disappearance. That is the danger of hope. As it fades into a dream, the nightmare that it temporarily overshadowed explodes in ferocity.

The apostle Paul once said that if Christ were our hope only in this world Christians should be pitied above all men. This is because Christ is our ultimate hope. He overshadows every nightmare. He does not fade away. If that hope disappeared, that pain would be beyond bearing. But Christ and his hope are eternal. They do not end. Therefore it is our prayer that the small hopes of each of these donations would point to a true hope. To the root hope. To the foundational hope. The hope that will not fade as the Christmas lights disappear and the presents are forgotten. The hope of Jesus that lasts forever.

I have seen nightmares in too many eyes. I have heard too many stories saturated with hopelessness. So continue giving. Continue blessing the people around you, but pray for them. Meet them. Get to know them. Teach people that hope doesn't have to fade away like a borrowed cigarette. Hope can last forever.

Moving Forward

2010-12-14T15:49:00.000-05:00

I think I might need to move. That's the answer when things aren't going quite right, isn't it? You simply move away and start all over somewhere fresh. That always sounds nice in my head. I think that I will go to a different country. Somewhere to escape not only my own routine, but the cultural routine that seems to dictate the fabric of my existence. Surely in another country, with new people and new things to do, my life would somehow fall into place and everything would go just right...isn't that the way it works?

Well...I suppose not. But it would be nice if it were that easy. Sometimes simply knowing that it is an option can be comforting. To know that if things are truly horrible we could escape to a different land...it's like a restart button: you'll lose everything you were working on, but at least you can still play the game.

I think though, that we often end up in the same mess. Eventually we retrace our steps and are faced with the same problem we were running away from before. Eventually we'll have to face things. Eventually we'll have to work through things. Eventually we'll have to learn to hope in something more then simply the ability to re-start the game. As long as our hope is set on the minimal we will never be driven to excel beyond ourselves. We will never become anything greater. We will never finish the game. For isn't that the point?

Currently we are trapped in the game. We are slaves to the laws and rules and boundaries of the game. Running backwards does nothing to work through this. Only when we learn to run forwards. Only when we are properly equipped. Only when we can see the true purpose and objective can we complete this course. And what happens when the game is finished?

The true life begins.

A Lack of Blogging

2010-10-07T15:24:00.000-04:00

Throughout the day I find myself thinking some amazing thoughts. Things that I get really excited about sharing. Things that make me say, wow, God is awesome. ...Then I forget about them. I hope to begin making more time to blog each day. It is really beneficial for me to take a moment to lay out my thoughts and make sense of all of the things that God is teaching me.

Just now I read the biblegateway verse of the day...it was really encouraging/convicting. It reminded me of what my focus needs to be...and of course that I was falling short. We need that sometimes. We need to be reminded that we have fallen short, otherwise we will never bother to try raise ourselves back up. That is the amazing grace of the Holy Spirit, even when we get fixated on the world, God is able to draw us back to himself. Thank you Lord!

“[A psalm of David. When he was in the Desert of Judah.] O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.”- Psalm 63:1

So that is my prayer and request for the day. That I will thirst for God. That I will earnestly seek him. That I will long for him. I am indeed dry and weary. May I find refuge in an amazing and terrifying God.

Hope to share more soon!

2010-10-04T10:04:00.000-04:00

Jefferson Street Baptist Center exists to extend gospel centered mercy to the homeless and hurting of greater Louisville. The staff of JSBC is constantly evaluating its methods and praying for wisdom and guidance in how it operates on a daily basis. JSBC has a very basic mission: Community. Transformation. Christ. Everything they do is filtered through these key words. Does it glorify Christ? Does it encourage transformation? Does it cultivate community? JSBC’s passion for serving the homeless and hurting by first serving God has helped transform my own heart.

After serving 11 months as a Hope for Louisville team member I learned a lot about JSBC. I have learned a lot about myself. I have learned a lot about the hundreds of people we see each week. I want to apply that knowledge towards helping JSBC develop a stronger system of operations. God works through his church. While JSBC continually leans upon Him – they see the need to utilize the spiritual gifts of leadership, administration, teaching, mercy, encouragement, service, giving, and so much more, through the volunteers that God provides. I feel blessed to be one of these volunteers and I pray that I can use the gifts God has given me to help establish healthier and more beneficial systems.

I will be serving for the next several months as the Intern to the Director of Operations, AKA “Ben”. Ben is a great guy and Christ Follower that I am very excited to work with. His job description includes pretty much anything you can think of in terms of running the building: maintenance, volunteers, donor relations, mission trips, bookkeeping, implementing systems, external and internal communications, and more. He also teaches two of the Fresh Start classes and meets with the program participants on a weekly basis.

He’s a very busy guy. I will be helping him by taking on chunks of several of these items as well as re-evaluating some of them to find ways to make them run smoother. I am also working with our Hope Director/Marketing Director to maintain the website, including our e-newsletter and news updates. I have already learned quite a bit about the details that go into each of these items. I have also already begun to implement some new systems that will help things run smoother and require less time by cutting out a few steps. The end goal is for JSBC to be able to operate more smoothly after my departure and for me to have gained experience and knowledge in new areas. If things continue as they have been, this will be sure to occur.

JSBC operates on a limited staff with a limited budget, therefore, I am very excited about the idea of internships. Chris (my roommate) and I are the first JSBC interns and are therefore the “test run” to see how this will work in the future. My prayer is that I will continue to serve as an intern until a new intern is available to replace me. This internship is considered “urban missions” and I will be fundraising to cover the cost of lodging, food, and health insurance. I am very thankful for everyone who has chosen to support JSBC monthly for this internship. This is something I believe in whole heartedly; I am very excited to see how God will continue to shape this ministry. Please also support this mission through prayer. Pray for God to be glorified at JSBC. Pray for the men in our programs to turn to Him and overcome their addictions. Pray for our guests to hear and be changed by the Gospel. It is easy to get caught up in the work – pray instead that we will stay focused on God and be caught up in Him.

I will continue to keep you updated through monthly send-outs as well as updates through the JSBC blog found at jeffersonstreet.org. Please also join the “JC’s Support Team” group on Facebook! If you have any questions, comments, or prayer requests, please always feel free to write me or call me.

A Prayer

2010-09-18T22:49:00.000-04:00

Father,

I am ashamed of how often I am self-obsessed.

I am sorry that I have warped a world that is made to point to you -- into my own personal kingdom.

I am embarrassed that rather then first considering others, I consider myself.

I am disgusted with my tendency to obsess with the concerns of the material world.

I have claimed credit to your great works.

I have been praised in your stead.

I have raised myself up instead of falling down.

Father, it is obvious that I have missed You.

I have missed, ignored, doubted, and re-formed your simple words.

I have missed the point of it all.

I have claimed you, but not followed you.

I have waived your banner on a flag pole that I drag sheepishly behind myself.

I have spoken your words without knowing their weight.

Lord, I doubt you.

Lord, I ignore you.

Lord, I fight you.

I call you 'Lord', but I come before you with arrogance and pride.

I call you 'Lord', but I place your words below my own.

I call you 'Lord', but I treat you as an advisor, court jester, and servant.

I use you at my convenience and expect you to bend to my demands.

God, how small do I paint you?

I have contained the creator of the universe in a lamp.

I carry you as a trinket, I use you like a good luck charm.

Holy Spirit, I have left no room for you to dwell in my heart.

Christ, you poured your blood for me, but I will not sweat for you.

Christ, you clean the feet of others, but I turn my back.

Christ, you humbled yourself to die my death, but I mock your sacrifice.

Jesus, how I must delight in your suffering.

Father, I confess, I have abused your name.

I have proclaimed you as my Master and Lord.

I have proclaimed you as my Father and Friend.

I have proclaimed you as my Foundation and Purpose.

But I have not lived it.

You have brought yourself Glory.

You have used my sin for your Good.

You have worked all things to the purpose of your will.

I have pursued my own pleasure.

And even as I confess to you...

Am I broken?

Am I willing to change?

Is this a turning point?

Are these empty words?

How often God have I cried out, "SIN!"?

I claim the sin.

But do I repent?

I identify my pride.

But does it break me?

I confess my rebellion.

But do I become obedient?

Father, I am useless and worthless.

Who would keep a pen that splatters ink?

Who would use a sword that cuts its wielder?

Who would dwell in a home that crumbles?

You are a God who is full of Grace.

You are the Master of all things.

The Creator of all things.

The Sustainer of all things.

I am your creation.

I pray Lord that I would realize that you are big and I am small.

I pray Father that I would be obedient.

I pray Jesus that I would be humbled by your sacrifice.

I pray Holy Spirit that my heart would be a shining temple.

I am unable to properly repent.

I can do nothing without you Lord.

So use me.

Guide me.

Mold me.

May I find satisfaction in you God.

May my purpose be you God.

May I start the day thinking about you God.

May I end the day thanking you God.

May I live the day for you God.

May I be joyful knowing that it is all Your's.

May I be joyful knowing that all things work for your good.

May I be joyful knowing that you are with me always.

Thank you providing yourself Lord.

May I realize that I need nothing else.

May I live knowing I need nothing else.

May my purpose be nothing else.

Lord Jesus, hear my prayers.

I am sinful, but you have made me pure.

Speak on my behalf.

Change me to become like you.

I pray all these things in your Holy Name.

AMEN!

Just Be Yourself

2010-08-07T11:42:00.001-04:00

Growing up we are told constantly to be ourselves. That is a point that is constantly reinforced in our minds. For many of us it goes so deep that we feel that we are unable to change. We feel that we are unable to be anything different then the person that we have already established as "ourself". Sometimes I like to have these random thoughts and question the validity of things that sometimes seem so obvious we never bother to give them a second thought. When I bring up the thought of being yourself, you probably don't really have any huge epiphany, it is a thought that you simply brush over. It is an expression that you have heard frequently enough that when its familiar sound escapes someone's lips you are almost exasperated by the use of cliche.

The more I begin to pause and think, I am becoming convinced that perhaps it is not a positive thought. The beginning of "be yourself" is quite obvious and came with good intentions - it is to avoid the fake, plastic person that many become in order to gain popularity. It is in order to avoid the affects of peer pressure - to encourage people to think their own thoughts and be an individual. I am not sure that this was the best tactic we could have taken. While perhaps in a sense it worked for some...the same notion has also allowed those without positive moral attributes to find refuge in the terminology of just being oneself. While we are making attempts to avoid having others follow in their footsteps, the expression of be yourself simply cements those that are already there and as I said before can slowly become a trap. We begin to think that we cannot move beyond what we have become.

The notion of be yourself comes with a preconception that yourself is the best and most enjoyable person you can be. That is surely not the case, for as pleasant as I have convinced a few of my readers that I am by "being myself" there is actually a fair deal of sarcasm, cynicism, pride, and other unpleasant attributes that come with the deal. By claiming I am just "being myself" does that excuse the hurt of remarks and the unpleasant ripple effect that it produces by evoking your own less-than-positive reaction? Of course not. We are holding people to a standard higher then their own standard. We want people to not be their selves...and we surely do not want them to be ourselves - for if you have ever met someone much like you, you have probably noticed that you often clash and end up not liking them much at all.

So if we do not want to be ourselves - and we don't want to be our neighbor's self because both often leave us feeling worse then before...what would be a self that we can chase after with positive effects? We often point to great minds and heroes of our ages. This can be effective in many ways because we often see only the good attributes of these heroes. Being influenced by these good attributes helps us to realize that we can reach higher and do more then we thought before. The problem is that we don't see the hard part of these people's lives. We don't see how they deal with frustrations and we are not given a realistic picture of what their life is really like. And as hard as we try to be like them, we simply cannot do it on our own. We would need them to come alongside us and train us. We would need to be influenced by them. And once we see them in action, we might find that our notion of them being so great, was in actuality, a fraud. They surely were great in certain situations, but it seems that they share many of our flaws and often make us feel as bad as the "average" people in our lives.

So it seems that the fatal flaw is that all people are messed up in some way. There is no perfect person that we can be "trained" by to somehow become better. Should we then give up and simply accept the fact that we are doomed to hurt the people we encounter? Should we simply continue to make bad decisions and make the excuse that we were just doing what we know and being ourself? Or should we begin to think that perhaps there is something else? If there is this notion that something greater exists...that there is an ideal self that one could be; that there is a way to live in harmony, building people up instead of tearing them down...then perhaps there is a way to achieve it. There must be a source.

And we find in scripture that there is. God is the source. Christ is the object. When we begin to seek him and ask him to change us - he actually has the power to do it. He truly can come beside us and begin to change us. And his example is constant. He does not fluctuate. In the good and the bad he remains constant, always revealing the perfect answer to the situation. It is important that he is the only one that can truly create this change. If a person could do it then there would not be equality - some people would be better then others. But in light of Christ we are all equal. We are all flawed...and this is a crucial part to the solution. Once we accept the fact that we should not be ourselves because we are flawed - and that everyone else has the same problem we immediately begin to have compassion and grace that is stemmed from humility. And that is one of the most crucial elements for chasing Christ. His humility was so great, that even knowing that he was perfect and we were sinful, he died the cursed death of crucifixion after suffering the humiliation of public torture. We must pick up our own crosses, die to ourselves daily, following Christ instead.

So don't be yourself. Be Christ.

A Collection of Half-Thoughts from July

2010-08-06T18:08:00.000-04:00

Written in July

If I looked you deeply in the eyes and told you -- My life has been utterly transformed by the one true God, Jesus Christ -- would you believe it? The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control…sounds like a hallmark card. Sounds redundant. Sounds like an Oprah book club selection. Sounds like something I have heard one too many times. Rather then allowing the Spirit to affect my life, I have become apathetic, resistant to transformation. Sin is like a virus, ever adapting to the medication. Developing immunity. Growing stronger with each attempted cure. My immunity did not come from apathy --apathy is the result. I have battled sin through my own works and the sin continues to adapt and conquer. After this weary existence, I doubt that I could look you very deep in the eyes, even less to profess that Jesus Christ has transformed me. It is not that the claim is fraudulent, it is that sin has shielded my heart from the truth. The cure is readily available, the problem is that instead of taking it, I continue to rely on my own strength.

*****

I have wasted so much of my life trying to prove something. I have done so much to simply gain the approval of those around me. But in this moment I realize, it is not a waste, for now I realize with tears on my cheek, that I have nothing to prove. God already believes in me. He has trusted me to the point of death.

*****

Humans are fragile. We sometimes pretend that we can make it alone. Sometimes we try to run on our own steam. We put up tough fronts. We shrug off questions, concerns, and compassion. In our prideful self-sufficiency we destroy our ability to care. It might be because we were ignored in middle school. It might be because we were abused by our father. It might be because our best friend died. It might be because we are trapped in a secret. It might be because we were hurt, neglected, left behind, ignored, abused, despised, called names, unappreciated, belittled…it might be a lot of things. But in the end we create our own torture. We stop allowing ourselves to feel. We stop allowing ourselves to care. We stop living. We become slaves. A perfect ending cannot end in slavery. There must be good news. There must be redemption. There must be freedom, but more then that, for simply being free…well that allows it to happen again. We could repeat the cycle. We could fall deeper then before. In the perfect ending we would be guaranteed joy. In the perfect ending we would instead of being miserably alone...be united perfectly together. In the perfect ending we would not only be fulfilled, but each person around us would be fulfilled and we would no longer need to use one another, but simply enjoy one another. In the perfect ending we would finally stop worrying about the perfect ending. We would instead simply...live.

*****

The quote on my blog reads, "Yesterday and Tomorrow are important only when carefully grown to blossom Today." The immediate yesterday and tomorrow are only important in how we allow them to affect us today. Yesterday's fears should embolden us today. Tomorrow's anxieties should humble us today. Yesterday's mistake should grant us wisdom today. Tomorrow's hope should give us excitement for today. If today you believe in Christ then tomorrow you might reach that perfect ending. If yesterday you believed in Christ then today you might reach that perfect ending. Today we are joyful for today we might be with Christ

I like to think of this in terms of the cross...to tweak the quote to remind myself of another important truth: "Today is only important because of yesterday's sacrifice and tomorrow's promise." Today is only important because Christ died for us granting us an eternal inheritance. The events that lead us to this moment. The events that will lead us to eternity.

*****

How do I maintain a state of constant meditation on God? How do I remain constantly in prayer? How do I overcome the tendency to dismiss God to only small moments of my life…and instead learn to find him in every aspect? God is everywhere and everything…but not in the sense that we can worship everything…only in the sense that when we are in tune with him we realize that we are never away from him. Each decision and each action each situation and every moment has to do with God. Even as my fingers move and I type how do I begin to make it glorify God more? Is it by becoming so natural at typing that rather then thinking about where my fingers are going I actually am able to meditate on God? Do my fingers become a source or trigger of a deeper state of being that will allow me to focus on God with greater span then I once did?

A Collection of Half-Thoughts from June

2010-08-06T18:02:00.000-04:00

Written in June

I read Psalm 136 again this month. It was encouraging and convicting. It was a reminder of the great steadfast love of God - that is an endless source of comfort and inspiration. It was also a reminder of how often I take for granted the works and blessings of our God. How easy is it to say, what has God done for me? As we are reminded, He parted the sea and sky, He created day and night, He provides us with food. We take these things for granted. We say them as if they are not amazing. We say them as if they are possible without God. And then we begin to question the many things He does not do. We begin to wonder why others starve. We begin to wonder why the world seems to be crumbling. We begin to wonder why we don't have more money. We begin to wonder why God is not fulfilling our every wish. We begin to wonder why God is not doing all the things we want Him to do, and we lose sight of the things He has already done. We begin to blame him for the things that have gone wrong. Is it the fault of the Lord that water supplies are going bad? No, it is ours. Is it the fault of the Lord that we throw away excessive amounts of food while other's starve? No, it is ours. Is it the fault of the Lord that some are Homeless and others have multiple homes? No, it is ours. We have created the problems that cause us to quickly point fingers of blame.

We can surely take steps to restore a broken world

*****

She squatted among the bushes

That hid beneath the overpass,

Gently rocking on her toes

To the beat of the rain

Cascading upon the cars

That sloshed through pools

That collected above her

And fell in a splash

That never seemed to end;

A waterfall of dirty water,

Eerily glowing in the fog infused with moonlight

That seemed to descend upon her

Like a raven.

She was baptized with the night.

"And I begin the dance anew."

She allowed the wind to carry her sentiments

To the moon.

Stretching her body,

With resemblance of an alley cat,

She embraced the tears

That bled from the starless sky.

*****

There is a huge contrast that is present in this world. There is a constant seeking for more and more…none really sure when enough is really enough. It seems that the word enough is drifting away, and the word more has become the answer. There is never enough, you should always strive for more…that is our lifestyle. The fact that each of us seems to posses these feelings inside, suggests that perhaps there is a purpose to it, perhaps we aren’t meant to feel satisfied, perhaps we are always to strive for more, but more what? More stuff, more money, more land, more house, more food, more sex, more time? All of these things are passing. All of these things are self serving. The problem is, we are so busy attempting to satisfy ourselves, that we can’t move beyond self-serving. We are so busy trying to quench a thirst or fill a gaping hole within ourselves that we can’t begin to strive for something greater. So it seems the answer to strive correctly, is to be satisfied. But how can we be satisfied in nothing. Well it seems that if we can’t become satisfied by striving, we must attempt the opposite. Instead of striving, we need to surrender. But what are we surrendering to?

God. We are surrendering to Jesus Christ.

There was once a Samaritan Woman at a well. She wasn’t striving more much, only for the basic necessity of water. She walked to the well to fetch some, but even in this humble pursuit – Jesus spoke of surrender. While all she wanted was enough water to satisfy her for the day – he wanted to create living water inside of her. He wanted to satisfy her completely. She would no longer look to the well as her source of life, but to Him. For if she had continued to find her satisfaction in water, she would have passed that to her children, and this great need to be satisfied in water would lead to the question, how can I obtain this water easier? And this question could lead down several roads. It can lead to industry, creating new methods to retrieve the water. It could lead to theft, stealing water from neighbors. It could lead to greed, stockpiling the water for oneself. You see this chain in each generation. A new “need” is presented and slowly but surely it becomes obsession. People seek satisfaction in this need. They seek ways to create idols out of the need. They seek ways to be more and more satisfied by this need.

Perhaps water seems a silly need to pick in your eyes. Perhaps this tendency would be more obvious if I mentioned Sex. It has lead to romantic novels. It has lead to pornography. It has lead to a multibillion dollar industry of products and services. It has lead to prostitution. It has lead to rape. It has lead to molestation. It is slowly becoming as casual as water.

*****

It is becoming increasingly important to me to try to bring light into the world. It is becoming evident that the world has so much potential to begin to become the Kingdom that Christ declared. We will never achieve perfection here on earth, but by striving towards the Cross and towards Christ's future kingdom - many are sure to follow. Rather then trying to constantly yell at people to follow after us, let's start and let them see what a beautiful journey this can be. You can sit around all day talking about something…or you can simply do it, and allow the spirit to move your heart.

There is no reason to trick people into Christianity, when you are following it with all your heart, they will want it too. We don't need to try to make the rest of the world do things the way we do them. We don't have to fix everything. We simply need to live by example. And when those who need help cross our paths, we will help them.

The Perfect Ending (Part 1)

2010-07-18T21:07:00.000-04:00

I have this desire to create a perfect ending. I want to somehow change your thoughts and perspectives on Christianity, Homelessness, and the Poor in the course of my remaining two newsletters. My time is almost over, and I feel this push to create a masterpiece of a letter that will transform your mind. I do not know if I will succeed. I do not know if you will experience a transformation that will begin to compare to my own, but I want to share as much as possible. Perhaps in the desperation of my words you will realize that something drastic has happened. You will realize that something drastic is at work. Perhaps you will see that there is a cause to this transformation…perhaps you will begin to seek a transformation in your own life. I do not want you to be like me. I do not want you to become a vigilante for the poor. I do not want you to start throwing money. I want these words to soak into your heart and begin to pump through your veins. I want to fill you with something more potent than your blood. I want to create a sensation within you that will never die. I do not know if a newsletter can do that, but I aslso send prayers. And prayers certainly have the power to bring the impossible to life.

On a sunny day early in September I arrived at Jefferson Street. I had my sunglasses on and some sort of stylish something, but purposefully not too stylish. I wanted to come off as cool, but not as trying-to-look-cool. I wanted to come off as not-poor, but not in-your-face-wealthy. I smiled cordially to those I passed. A smile that conveyed a 'you're welcome in advance for all the great things I am going to do for you.' I came committed to the program. I was ready to serve. I was ready to be changed. I was ready to cut off the rest of my life for a year. I was ready…I kept telling myself, over and over. Looking back in time, watching myself from a distance…I wasn't ready. It was written all over my every action. I had no idea. It's fun to look back and chuckle.

And it’s humbling to look forward to the future. If I changed so drastically in a year – if I was so damaged with only the slightest inkling – how much more damaged will I discover I currently am when I look back in ten years? Sometimes I catch myself with a mindset of perfection, blind to my shortcomings…how naïve. Perfection is something to strive for, but I am far from reaching it. And on my own power, I never will. Perhaps that was one of my first lessons. There are many things that we think we know, but we do not really understand. This was one of them. I so often would strive for perfection, using my own strength. But I have limits. Humans have limits. Every night we sleep. Every day we eat. We get hurt. We get angry. We get jealous. We are affected by everything. We are not constant or consistent. And we are often oblivious because, in our minds, our actions affect no one but ourselves.

Teenagers are often pointed to as impossible. I would not dare argue that, I have taught my share of teenagers and it is fun only about 10% of the time, being generous. But I would venture to say that a large part of this impossibility is simply that they are finding the ability to think their own thoughts. They have developed habits. They do many of the same things as adults, the thing is - adults can escape. We have our own place, we have cars, we have money. We are able to escape when things get tough. Teenagers live in constant community with their family. They are there for the good moods and the bad moods. Community is present when they are hurt, angry, or jealous. Someone is constantly there.

That is the Hope program. Someone is constantly there. So as I arrived with my well-thought attire and carefully-planned words, others were watching my every action. Every time I was prideful, they were there. Every time I was angry, they were there. Every time I was tired, they were there. The guise of perfection was quickly torn to shreds, and I was forced to stand exposed as another person unable to make it on their own. Which is what I should have been all along. God can't work in perfect people; nobody would know He was there if a perfect person kept being perfect. But when imperfect hypocrites begin to do miraculous things, we begin to glimpse the power of a perfect God.

And when you are one of those imperfect people, being used by a perfect God...you get chills.

Coffee, Sugar, & Cigarettes. Those were the first three words I shared in my first Jeff Street newsletter. I explained them as a uniting factor, bonds of community in a place where community comes sparingly. I went on to explain this great revelation that I had in my first month: homeless people are people too. How obvious, and yet, vital. It is a lesson that I have relearned over and over. It seems that as much as I try to convince myself otherwise, I am fixated upon this thought that I am more important than anyone else. Would you agree? Am I more important than you? Of course you say, 'surely not!' But I would dare to go so far as to assume that you have the thought that you are more important than me (whether you have directly thought it, or simply conveyed it through actions). In truth, I have discovered, no one is more important than another. We each have the ability to affect one another and, in turn, we are each equally able to shape the course of history. Our small inconsistencies, glitches, and errors that we brush off (because they do not affect our ability to live our own lives) can greatly affect the people that are around when they occur. No human is so consistent or constant as to be unaffected by the happenings of the world around them. And to realize this is freeing to the trap of self; when I realize that I am no more (and logically no less) important than anyone around me, I no longer place people on pedestals or in ditches. I am able to learn and teach equally all the people around me. We must understand that from everyone we encounter we have something to learn – and in turn, we have something to teach.

These thoughts were far from my mind upon my arrival to Jeff Street, but they were already being put into action by God. As I walked into the building on that sunny September day, I was already being watched, from the third floor. Ryan was on the phone as he saw me pull in, and he made the instant decision to hate me and avoid me. He instantly assumed I would have nothing to offer, and I would find myself assuming the same about him. Today I can state, Ryan and I have deeply impacted one another's lives. It gives me chills to think about it, because we are two hypocrites, obviously imperfect, being used by a perfect God.

To be Continued…

I am so thankful that you continue to read and support the mission. I thank God that I have you to share my stories and revelations with. It can be lonely sometimes – serving others is not always an immediate reward. People often do not express any kind of thanks. It is a constant check on my heart to evaluate why I continue to serve. I must constantly preach to myself the reason for my service. I am not here to receive thanks – I am here because I am thankful. I am here to serve God, so please pray that I will remember that my every action should reflect that. Pray that I will work for the Lord, and that I am able to do so because he works through me. Pray that I will continue to be transformed and sanctified by the power of the Holy Spirit. Finally, pray that my transformation will not be hollow; that upon leaving Jeff Street you will see the work of God in my actions. I pray that you will remember my many faults, and that God will replace them with the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I pray that you will be amazed and thank God because of this, for it will not be of my own power, but His. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement.

I am always happy to hear from you: to.jc.williams@gmail.com.

Blessings in Christ Jesus,

JC Williams

Power

2010-07-18T19:41:00.000-04:00

From where does our power come?

You have the power to affect me. You have the power to change me. You have the power to make me capable of more then I could ever imagine. When we are affirmed by someone, when we know we have someone counting on us, when someone places their faith in us - we are able to overcome. As Christians, we place our faith in Christ. We trust fully that he has the power to enact change. We believe in Him blindly. But Christ has also placed his faith in us. He has trusted us, enough to die for us. Enough to give us his inheritance. When you feel discouraged. When you feel that you have no support. When you feel like you can accomplish nothing. You must remember, the God of the universe has placed his faith in you. You can do anything.

Having the Lord with you is infinite. You cannot improve upon that. God is everything, to add more faith is not possible. That is why we should be content in God. That is why we should never find ourselves discouraged. But in those times that we allow sin to distance us and separate us - it is God working through community that delivers us. We must remember that we are tools for God's glory. We must encourage one another and put our faith and trust in one another as God has put his faith in us to the point of sacrificing himself so that we may live. The power of faith is truly incomparable. Faith the size of a mustard seed can move a mountain. I have seen mountains move in the lives of those who once had no support suddenly come in contact with the words, "I believe in you!"

God believes in you. You don't have to prove anything. You just need to believe in him too.

10I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:10-13

Affected by God

2010-07-14T09:07:00.000-04:00

Have you ever found yourself reading a powerful book and praying...I wish this could happen to me? I wish I was in these situations, I wish had this faith. I wish I would show that kind of love. I wish I had that kind of compassion…. So often we see and read amazing things and we recognize them and we want them, but we fail to recognize them when they are played out in front of us.

I have found myself in this situation. I will have been reading something that moves my soul. Something that I know I should do, but I can't even imagine. I envy the author for their great faith. And then something happens around me. A phone call. A knock on the door. Something. And I am annoyed! I am busy reading and this disturbance is interrupting me while I am having a moment with God. Here I am before a chance to minister. A chance to live out what has just amazed me so much, and I totally miss it, oblivious, because I am absorbed thinking about it. The book in my hands suddenly becomes worthless, for while it is full of amazing thoughts it doesn't change my heart.

We are stuck in this mindset of affecting others. We have this desire to be the catalyst of change. And we will do it on our time. We will change that person when we really feel like it. We will worry about that person when we are finished worrying about ourselves. In this scenario, we are the higher power. We make the decisions. We get the credit. We are not accountable to anyone.

I would say that this is wrong. I would say that rather then affecting others, we need to be affected. But by God. Rather then having this feeling that we need to motivate ourselves, we need to have the feeling that we need to surrender ourselves. When we surrender ourselves to God, he moves us. We are no longer anxious or self-conscious, for we are not the one in control.

A lot of people don't like this idea of allowing something to control them. The irony is, that we are all controlled. As much as we try to pretend that we live by our own power, we are all slave to something. We see it often: someone is a slave to their emotions. Someone is a slave to their appearance. Someone is a slave to their children. Someone is a slave to society. It can be subtle. You can fool yourself into a guise of self-control, but you are still affected. We are all affected by what's outside of us.

Except God. He is constant. God is eternal. God is not affected. He is always loving. He is always just. And he always hates sin. It only makes sense as creation, to allow ourselves to be affected by the creator.

But we often get in the way. We allow the flesh to take credit for the spirit. While the spirit is being affected by God, the flesh is claiming its works for itself. This is where I fall. My flesh allows me to think that the great spiritual accomplishments God completes are of my own power. These thoughts lead to ignoring the spirit and putting the flesh in a position of authority, and this leads to sin. There is a constant state as a Christian that we must maintain. Surrender. We must die daily. We must pick up our cross and follow Him.

To be continued...

Denying Self

2010-07-10T18:00:00.002-04:00

So there is this medley of ideas swimming around:

Sin working for the Good of those who believe in Christ.

Our obsession with self

Our inability to ever fully comprehend those around us.

The fact that we constantly think we comprehend the people around us.

And the fact that we judge people based on our half comprehension of them without ever fully understanding the true depth of the situation.

----

So lets see how I can tackle these things by sitting and writing until it makes sense to me. Usually I do this and edit it several times and you see the finished product, but I think it might be beneficial for both of us if I don't try to be so precise, but simply show the process.

I think it is safe to say that all of us are pretty obsessed with ourselves. Some people with how perfect they are. Some people with how ugly they are. Some people with how fat they are. Some people with how single they are. Some people with how blessed they are. And of course I could keep listing things all day. Fact is, we get obsessed with ourselves. And I think that to a certain extent we are meant to be. I mean, we are ourselves. We are in contact with ourselves daily. We know our thoughts. We know our needs. We feel our desires. It only makes sense that we would be concerned with these things. I suppose this is the difference between self and selfishness. Being aware of your desires is one thing: putting those desires before others is another.

"Selfishness: concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others"

Pasted from <http://mw4.m-w.com/dictionary/selfishness>

But then we run into scripture like Luke 9:23 (whoever would come after me must deny himself…Himself: his normal, healthy, or sane condition or self). This does not say to deny selfishness, but rather self. Our normal, healthy, sane self. We must deny our self. Our self that thinks our thoughts. Our self that tells us that we need water and food. Our self that we know so intimately. That we trust. We must deny.

But surely to deny our very selves will lead to our death?

Yes, that is what it means to take up your cross. The cross is a beacon of hope, but not at the time Jesus said this. He was saying, deny yourself to the point of death by crucifixion. To the point of appearing cursed before men. To the point of torture. To the point of agony. Deny yourself.

To be continued...

Watch Out!!

2010-07-10T17:25:00.000-04:00

watch out avid readers! I am going to start posting a lot more...
Basically I usually half-write a lot of stuff and never actually get around to posting it, well no more!
Now if I don't finish it, i'm gonna post it anyways - ha!

Basically, even my half written ideas convey what is going on better then nothing...and I think by getting used to not having to perfect my thoughts before I post them...I will probably be compelled to write more often.

so have fun reading my half thoughts and at least knowing what's going on 50% better then before. Which is pretty much all I can keep track of anyways...

Great Theme Song Medley

2010-07-02T09:09:00.001-04:00

Of course there are many others....but this is a start :)

We Did It!!!

2010-07-02T09:04:00.000-04:00

Do you ever want to just sing a song when you get something done?

An Interview on Community

2010-07-01T15:04:00.001-04:00

Hope for Louisville: JC Reflects on Community Life as a Hope Team Member (Interviews with the Hope Men – Part 4 of 5)

JUL 1, 2010 | 1 COMMENT | BY JSBC ADMIN

FILED UNDER » BLOG, HOPE FOR LOUISVILLE

Hope for Louisville Team Members (from Left to Right) Bradley Brown, Spencer Husch, JC Williams, Caleb Butler and Darrell Johnson.

JSBC Admin’s Note: JSBC is urgently seeking Christians between the ages of 18-30 to serve with the Hope for Louisville program from September 2010-August 2011. There is a special need for men. Know someone who is able and willing to serve with us? Let us know by writing to hope@jeffersonstreet.org or by sending them to our website at www.hopeforlouisville.com. In light of the search for people to serve with Hope, we offer the following interviews with the current men’s team.

AN INTERVIEW WITH JC WILLIAMS.

Name: JC Williams

Age: 22

Hometown: Louisville, KY

Before Hope, did you consider yourself a strong and dedicated person when it came to friendships and community life?
Friendship and community were foreign concepts for a large part of my life. I had very few friends. I had very little community. I was scared to reach out and yet bitter in my loneliness. Without a community to lean upon and grow with, my social skills became awkward and inconsistent. I learned to adapt to different people (though often incorrectly) and had very little of my own identity. Rather then having a base to establish myself upon and grow from, I jumped from scene to scene in a way that damaged myself and my relationships with others.

Looking back, the only consistent relationships I was able to build were those that were based upon a “community”. This was most noticeable when I began Martial Arts. The school became my community. I finally had a base that I could pour myself into, establishing roots. I finally had some consistency. I was able to establish lasting friendships. Of course, this is not the ideal location for establishing the base of your community efforts. Many of my outside relationships suffered and died because of this. For example, I had a very inconsistent relationship with my family.

A series of events led me to leave my Martial Arts community. I found myself once again without a base and I began a time of diligent search…but I didn’t know what I was looking for. I became lost in several different lives and eventually moved into my own apartment. I had some friendships - friendships I treasure even now - but no community.

Another series of events occurred. These events lead me to a church. And I finally got a taste of community. I entered a community group. I was exposed to people in relationship with Christ - something that I had never seen. I had never witnessed people who were heartfelt in their faith. That year I became a Christian.

I learned how much deeper relationships can go when they are based upon Christ. I began to see the need for a strong community founded upon Christ. But I didn’t know what that looked like. I didn’t know how it worked. And I was so used to compartmentalizing my life that I had trouble breaking down those walls and replacing them all with my new base. But as he always does, God provided…

What about now? Have your insights been proven true or false? Do you understand how to keep the needs of others above your own more now?
I entered into the Hope program with the knowledge that I needed to discover how to apply Christ to every aspect of my life. I needed to stop compartmentalizing him – limiting him only to the section of my life labeled “church”. Scripture clearly outlined how to accomplish this, die. “Die to yourself so that Christ can live.” I understood the concept. But surrounded by a world that I had established so drastically separate from God…the prospect was overwhelming.

I am thankful that Christ knows that I am a wimp. I am thankful that he can use me and sanctify me despite my inability to follow after him. And I have realized that this is the essence of what dying to yourself means.

During my time at Hope I have encountered situations that are beyond myself. I have been placed thoroughly outside of my own knowledge and comfort. I have been placed into settings in which I have no established standard. These are the situations in which Christ has lived most completely. These are the situations in which I have seen God work most clearly. These are the situations in which I myself was dead, but Christ lived.

Living in Christian community has been one of those experiences. I have often found ways to interfere and mess things up, but in the end, the experience has changed me, and the rest of the Hope team, because it was beyond us. We were forced to surrender control to God. Basically, every time something has gone right in our community – it has been of God, every time something has gone array, one of us has gotten in the way. Looking back on my year, that is undeniably true.

Therefore, I have learned that the best way to keep the needs of others above my own, are to remember that we all have the same singular need - Christ. If they forget, I still have everything I need. If someone doesn’t know Christ, I still have everything I need. And by remembering that truth, I can lovingly speak his Grace into their lives.

What is a story or moment from this last year that captures the essence of the hardship and beauty of community living?

There is always sin. It blinds us, corrupts us, and highlights “us,” diminishing Christ. How many times have I allowed sin dominion? Far too many. A picture of this has been the strained relationship Caleb and I shared for the past month. Our eyes slipped from Christ – and in that moment we realized each of the attributes that we couldn’t stand in one another. I began to notice how much this inconvenienced me or that annoyed me, and I began to forget Christ. Caleb realized my dreadful sarcasm wasn’t funny after all and disliked me more and more each time it surfaced.

There came a point when the feelings of discontent overwhelmed each of us. We had both journaled about the other one-too-many times, without any effort to reconcile – and God placed that burden heavily upon each of our hearts. At the same time. Caleb approached me just after I finished writing a letter to him to clarify my thoughts. We each shared what was on our hearts and we each confessed how we had lost sight of what was truly important. It is painful to apologize, when you apologize you are admitting that you are wrong, you are killing a part of yourself, but it is beautiful, because in that death Christ is resurrected. Our friendship shined brighter than before.

There have been many moments like this. Moments that have changed me, that have killed me. Moments that have allowed my savior to be resurrected more completely in my life. God laid out a masterful plan that involves each of us affecting one another. Through Christian community Christ destroys our sinful flesh and ushers in a new and better life.

How has community living influenced your ability to love other people and love God more?

Community living has opened my eyes to the effects of my every action on the people around me. Our actions are never confined singularly to us. There is always a butterfly effect. That is part of God’s design, and an underlying theme to many of the messages of the Bible. By keeping one another close we are more able to understand the full situation and not simply be affected, but speak truth into the situation. Rather then allowing a chain of sin to cascade, we witness the cause and are able to minister and proclaim Christ to one another.

Christian community highlights your sins and struggles in bright red, making them unmistakable, because their effect becomes immediately apparent by the “aroma” of the house. Therefore, my sin is no longer just mine, it is everyone’s. Everyone’s sin is no longer just theirs, it is mine. Throughout scripture we see the truth of this outlined in God’s community based decision making. Whole nations are lumped together - because God sees the connection. He knows that we see one another’s sin and he proclaims, “judge your brother and sister!” We are not called to judge unbelievers, but we are called to judge our brothers and sisters out of love, so that they might not fall under the dominion of sin and pull us all down with them! Therefore the golden rule of loving one another as yourself can actually be taken so far as to say, you must love others if you want to love yourself. The actions are wholly connected. By loving my brother, I am loving myself – and by them loving me they are loving themselves – and by loving Christ, we can love everyone. And it is because of Christ’s love that we can do any of it!

So, Christian community is indeed amazing – it has enlightened my faith and opened my eyes to so many truths that I had failed to notice. I have not doubted for a moment that God called me into the Hope for Louisville program, and while I have learned much, and hopefully taught much — it is apparent that this is one of the great truths that will forever redefine and cement my relationship with Christ.

RELATED ARTICLES:

Hope for Louisville: Why Caleb Did Hope (Interviews with the Hope Men – Part 1 of 5)

Hope for Louisville: Bradley’s First Impressions (Interviews with the Hope Men – Part 2 of 5)

Hope for Louisville: Spencer Reflects on Unusual Friendships (Interviews with the Hope Men – Part 3 of 5)

Hope for Louisville: JC Reflects on Community Life as a Hope Team Member (Interviews with the Hope Men – Part 4 of 5)

Reflecting on Flies (continued)

2010-07-01T14:37:00.000-04:00

The two flies returned to the window, guided by the breeze.

The third fly had returned as well. It seems, he had seen everything under the fluorescent lights and realized there was nothing new.

The three flies sat on the window, two on one side, one on the other. Together, yet apart.

Then something curious happened. One of the two began to lead number three. Together they walked, on different sides of the glass.

Number three fell.

And his guide patiently flew down and began walking with him once again.

It happened more then once.

I glanced at the other fly. He was sitting on the window. As free as he was, he sat on the outside looking in.

Behind him the sun was shining. Behind him life was bright and rich. But he gazed longingly through the glass.

I turned back to see fly number three crawling through a narrow crack that led to the outside. His guide patiently awaited him. He emerged into the bright world and quickly flew to the fly that sat looking in.

The three flew off together, guided by a gentle breeze.

Community. We must guide those that are lost. We must encourage those that are distracted. We must fly together - no longer in bondage, but guided by a 'gentle breeze'.

Reflecting on Flies

2010-06-30T17:26:00.000-04:00

Sitting and looking out the window, I saw three flies clinging to the glass. One was diligently climbing, one tired step at a time. Not too fast, steady and constant. One was running and would quickly lose his footing and fall to the floor. The third remembered he had wings and flew away.

Are you working your way to the top, only to find it leads you to another dead end? Are you running the same race over and over only to crumble? Or do you realize that you can fly?

I gently caught the first two and set them outside…the third one was too busy flying.

The world tells you to be fly number three. But don't you see, fly 3 is "free" in a room it never belonged in. The other two realized they couldn't make it on their own and surrendered to salvation.

The two flies flew away, guided by a gentle breeze.

Just some Thoughts

2010-06-19T14:17:00.002-04:00

I have been noticing many of the things that I do, that I hate seeing other people do. Things that make that person look silly, stupid, and straight prideful. And also things that are hurtful to others…sometimes the things that make someone laugh are simultaneously striking a chord deep within them. A chord that reverberates feelings of discontentment. This discontentment can cause feelings that pull us away from God. Are my thoughtless actions not only damaging others, but also damaging their relationship with God?

I trust that the Lord has a plan that He will be able to bring to fruition despite my sinful nature - in fact I believe He has already taken my sinful nature (and yours) into account. That doesn't mean He likes it, but He is not surprised by it. His plans will still come to pass. However, I also believe it is part of His plan for me to grow and transform. I need to not just note these findings, but apply them. That is the hard part…perhaps an 'easier said then done' moment. Our salvation is secured by our faith in Jesus Christ, but we must allow his Holy Spirit to work through us.

I must begin to take every thought captive and speak carefully, not getting caught in a moment.

I must begin to speak words of encouragement.

I must say the good things that I think and not care about, 'losing my cool'. I base so much of what I do on some strange standard that I don't even like.

I must change my standard to Jesus Christ!

I must base my words and actions on his life - radical. I can't be trapped by the holds of this world.

I must be quick to admit that I am wrong.

I must be slow to anger.

I must be quick to praise.

I must appreciate the things that others do.

I must take myself out of the picture.

I must listen and lean on the Holy Spirit.

I must ask for him to enter my body each day.

I must die so that he can live.

June Newsletter: A Summer of Hope

2010-06-19T13:51:00.001-04:00

As the close of my year at Hope inches nearer, it is strange to welcome fresh faces. The summer team has arrived, with rejuvenating energy, ready to begin service. It’s a constant reminder, just because Hope is almost over for me, doesn't mean it is over. I have 2 months remaining, and I pray that the Lord will stretch each day to shape me and use me.

Looking back on May, I am confident that is exactly what our Father is doing. Unfortunately, right now He is hammering away on the shaping. I am not anywhere close to perfect. I am flawed in ways (I'm sure many of you could name) I don't even realize. And it hurts to be convicted anew each day. It hurts to sin against God over and over. It hurts to constantly mess things up. Sometimes I miss the blissful ignorance of my non-Christian life – when I was always right because the world revolved around me. But I also can't mention that without throwing up a little in my mouth, because when I am honest with myself, I realize – that was truly how I lived. I lived in a world where I was of primary importance. It is hard to learn to care for, respect, and love others as myself, but I'm amazed at the life lessons that the Holy Spirit reveals daily.

I have been extremely excited to welcome our eight new team members: six new ladies and two new men. There are now 13 Hope team members which opens up some incredible doors. We have already planned some exciting additions for the summer including Bible studies for our day shelter guests.

It has been a shock to go from 5 to 13, but there has been some amazing prayer from all of our supporters, evidenced in the immediate connection our teams have had. I felt like a proud parent watching the Summer Team enter the Day shelter for the first time and boldly approach guests with love and the Gospel. Lasting friendships are already being formed.

Well, I hope to keep you updated through my blog: jcwillyams.blogspot.com. Sorry for the lack of activity lately, but that should be turning around. I have some thoughts to share and prayers to request, so please stay tuned!

Thank you for your continued support. It is humbling and reassuring that you have taken an interest in my life and my ministry. Please remember that financial donations are still in great need and please don’t be hesitant to send a small amount. I am at about $3,500, which is amazing, but also less than half of my fundraising requirements. Checks can be addressed to “Jefferson Street Baptist Center” writing in the memo line, HOPE-0910-JW1. Please mail donations to “Hope” 733 E Jefferson St. Lou, KY 40202.

I do feel compelled to say, I celebrated my 23^rd birthday on June 3. If you would like to send a birthday gift, please address it to Jeff Street J.

If you ever have any questions or prayer requests please e-mail me: to.jc.williams@gmail.com or jcwilliams@jeffersonstreet.org.

Blessings in Christ Jesus,

JC Williams

Silence

2010-05-31T07:42:00.000-04:00

There is a calm presence in silence.
It becomes tangible.
You can feel its weight upon you.
Its devastating weight.

The effect of a touch.
It can raise each hair on your skin.
It can ease anxiety.
It can deliver terror.

The touch of silence.
Its soft brush against our cheeck.
The deceptive weight upon our backs.
Light and calming, heavy and destructive.

In the depths of silence emotion comes alive.
Thoughts become real.
Feelings are tangible.
Words break the heavy trance.

Unless there is no one to speak them.
Unless you are stuck in your solitude.
Unless you are a prisoner of your thoughts.
Unless the burden has already begun to choke your soul.

The touch of silence.
A deep embrace.
A soft kiss.
A pair of hands around your neck.

Silence is hard to find.
and hard to escape.

May Newsletter: Crossing the Deserts

2010-05-10T14:02:00.000-04:00

The sand sank beneath his steps, steps that dug lines through the hot grains. His body glistened in the high sun - he cringed as each drop of sweat fell to the sand in a sizzle. He lifted the bottle to his mouth already knowing the outcome. His rough lips begged a drop to no avail. He was certain that the moisture in his body was at a bare minimum and felt his hope begin to melt away along with his sweat. He hated himself for his tears. He knew it was foolish. He didn't know where these reserves of moisture came from, but his eyes were releasing drops of self pity. Death would find him here. Death would bring him to his knees and greedily cook him in this open air oven. He was surprised by a sudden realization that he was pointing a finger of blame. He pitied his fate, knowing it was somehow forced upon him…and in that moment realized, God is real. He was sure of it, utterly sure. He was also convinced that God was evil and faintly heard Him cackling as his skin blistered.

Tony graduated the Fresh Start Program two months ago. He barely finished his speech, bringing many of us to tears. He is a man truly thankful for the ministry of Jefferson Street Baptist Center. He is involved with his church. He is seeking work. He is in a church small group. He meets with two mentors on a regular basis. He quit smoking. He is a man who is full of love and hope. He is a man that will cherish the time you give him. And he gives back. He knows the joys of giving. He loves to practice them - buying you a coffee despite the non-existent depth of his wallet. Tony is a man seeking to be "Good" in God's eyes.

His lips burned. He couldn't produce spit. He was no longer sweating. His sobs were dry. His steps were slow. The cackling was louder than ever. It echoed all around him, he could feel it beating upon his raw skin.

Tony is now in the Permanent Supportive Housing (PSH) Program. This program is designed to allow Graduates to live in a positive Christian environment while giving them the freedom of their own apartment. Our hope is for it to be transitional, but with disabilities and mental illnesses, transition is not always easy. Tony wanted to be an example. He wanted to set a standard. He wanted to display clean Christian living and emerge from the program with his own job - and his own apartment. Application after application. Resume edit after resume edit. Cover letter after cover letter. No job. Tony knows it's a tough economy. He realizes there aren't many jobs. He sees the holes in his resume. But he had set his expectations high and they were crumbling around him.

His shoulders ached and he allowed the backpack to fall to the ground, cringing as the straps rubbed against his hot flesh. He quickly searched the contents and laughed at their uselessness. It sounded eerily similar to the cackling. Money, cigarettes, and dirty magazines. He lit a cigarette and shuddered as the smoke burned his dry lungs. He flipped through the magazine chuckling at the thought of "God" looking down on him in disgust, take that. Finishing his cigarette he felt calm. His throat burned. But he was calm. The money in the bag was heavy, so he decided to bury it and come back if he managed to escape. He began to dig with his hands…his calm quickly depleted. He remembered his dehydration with each movement and the cackling overwhelmed him.

"...whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it." (Luke 9:24) How quickly Tony forgot those words. How quickly he lost sight of their meaning. His life wasn't forming the pattern he envisioned. It wasn't following the rhythm he had composed. God let him down. God failed him. All of the good things he had done. All of the sacrifices he had made for God - and God abandoned him. Thoughts of his sacrifices began to slideshow. Small glimpses. A tiny craving. A pinprick. They continued to invade his thoughts. They seeped from their captivity. They destroyed their guards and began their mutiny. Two months later: an empty bottle of Whiskey and a faint trail of mistakes.

He woke up to a dream. The sand was gone. His flesh still ached, but the burning had faded. His mouth was moist, he greedily licked his lips. He was on a bed, he realized. He peered down at his arm and realized the odd feeling was an IV which his eyes followed to the source of his new found hydration.
He woke up again with clearer vision and realized he wasn't alone in the room. Sitting next to him was the unmistakable attire of a policeman. His heart leapt so hard he was sure the officer must have heard it. Sure enough, the officer turned and looked at him, smiling at his open eyes. He cursed God as the officer held up his unburied backpack.

Tony was outraged. He had been ratted. The bottle was discovered and his lies were brought to the light. It had been consumed in one night. There was no buzz; just an empty bottle and the echoes of empty promises. As he looked into the eyes of his captors a war began – a light had pierced the darkness. He was torn between guilt and anger. Godly sorrow and worldly sorrow. It is said that one leads to repentance and the other to death. Tony chose repentance. To the staff he confessed. To the Hope team he confessed. To his church he confessed. He sat before me in humility and disgust – broken by his sin. And confessed.

He jumped at the squeal of the hospital door. His heart stopped when she walked through. He knew her. She wasn’t an attractive woman…perhaps 30 years ago, but the lines of her face had gradually sagged and softened. She smiled warmly, with a look of concern buried somewhere in the wrinkles. The officer stood up and took her hand, a true gentleman, walking her to his bedside. She put her hand to his face; her cool touch had a healing effect on his tortured skin. She spoke softly, “I am relieved that you are okay.” He stared at her in disbelief. He had left her stranded. He had stolen her car. He had used her and left her to die. “I forgive you. God will forgive you too – that is why he has saved you.”
“God will forgive me!? I don’t forgive him! He left me to die – he left me in that house, with those parents. I finally escape and He nearly kills me in that car, then He tries to roast me in the desert! God is sick – He could care less what happens to me.” She seemed to take on his pain vicariously as tears swelled in her eyes. For a moment he wanted to take back his words.

Tony allowed his doubt to overcome his faith. He allowed temptation to misrepresent the truth. He was so busy planning his future – he forgot the past God had delivered him from. Without God, Tony would still be on the streets. Without God, Tony would still be drinking regularly. Without God – Tony might be dead. Every month God supplies his rent. God has surrounded Tony with Christian community and amazing opportunities. God has re-connected a line of communication with Tony and his family. Tony simply lost sight of that. He was advancing his own life instead of advancing the kingdom of God. He was thanking people instead of thanking God. In the midst of everything he gained – Tony forgot that God was all he really needed – or perhaps he had never really known.

“God didn’t turn His back on you; you turned your back on Him. He created you,” her eyes were kind and humble, “He loves you. He loves you enough to let you suffer if it means finding Him.” The tears cascaded from her eyes; she knew it was too much for him to understand, but she prayed anyway. “And God did not forget you – that – I can guarantee you. Luke…I am your grandmother,” she chuckled lightly, “it’s a little like a Star Wars isn’t it?” He smiled weakly, his face growing more and more confused, but she kept on talking, “I stop for some wandering kid – he leaves me to die…and then I find out he’s the one I came to save. Well…it just goes to show you, the Lord works in mysterious ways.”

----------------

It is hard to understand the will of God. I don’t possess that much wisdom. I don’t possess that much foresight. I don’t possess that much love. We are so quick to judge the will of God, despite the tiny fraction of knowledge and understanding we possess comparatively. We think using the brain that God created. He created it. We hardly understand the brain and we try to argue against the logic of God. We doubt Him. We doubt his choices. We doubt the way he shapes our lives. We are ridiculous! As a Christian I have a slight advantage in the realm of interpreting God. He speaks through His Holy Spirit…and in those moments that I actually listen, everything becomes clear. Unfortunately, half the time I am so busy advancing my own kingdom, I can’t hear Him over the sound of my own whining. That is why Luke 9:23-24 is so important, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.” How can we be followers of Christ if we are so busy trying to make Him follow us? God has guaranteed us happiness, not in this life, but in a life that will last forever. So as we chase the fleeting joys of today, we must ask ourselves if we are running away from the promises of tomorrow.

I want you to pray for me, as I will for you, that I will no longer run away from God to embrace my own desires. I do not want to share my life with God, He bought me with a price; may I glorify Him with my body. This life belongs to Him. To some of you it sounds severe, it sounds like slavery. But God is the Creator. He created us with a purpose. When that purpose is fulfilled, it is not slavery, but freedom. That is why the greatest Love I can demonstrate is my longing, for you to know Christ too. That is a longing for you to have everything. It is a longing for your broken body to be made whole. Hell is not just a punishment for evil; it is eternal separation from God. It is becoming evil. It is moving further and further away from your true purpose.

Life can be full of stress and disappointment. It can be full of anxiety and fear. Tony set his own expectations and realized his helplessness to achieve them, so he turned to a bottle for relief. You might not be so ostentatious. Perhaps you turn to gossip, perhaps you point fingers, perhaps you turn to prescriptions, perhaps you run away…. But Tony quickly pointed out the ineffectiveness of short term solutions: They give you guilt. They disappoint others. They leave a trail of mistakes lingering in your wake. Tony did not find satisfaction until he remembered that God was in control. Until he remembered that God has a purpose. God loves him and will not abandon him. Tony did not have to work so hard to prove something to man, he simply needed to submit to God. Please pray for Tony to not lose sight of that purpose again.

I have been there before. I have been there this week. My future looms in the distant mist covered hills and my fear and anxiety claw desperately to unveil its mystery. Rather than submitting to God’s will, I frantically attempt to flesh-out my own will. Please pray that I can overcome my anxieties for the future. Please pray that I will submit to following God’s will and trust in his providence. I am still on a mission, stress and anxiety will do nothing for expanding the only kingdom worth expanding. May I sacrifice everything, pick up my cross, and follow Jesus.

Thank you for continuing to read and pray. Please continue to provide financial support when you can. I have not fulfilled my financial burden and time is quickly running out. Checks can be sent to “Hope” at 733 E. Jefferson Street. | Louisville, KY 40202. Please write in the memo line, HOPE-0910-JW1. If you would like to donate online, please visit the website: www.hopeforlouisville.com and find my picture after clicking on the “Donate Now” tab. For further prayer requests and thoughts, visit my blog: jcwillyams.blogspot.com

April Newsletter: Glimpses and Reflections

2010-04-11T23:20:00.002-04:00

Each month I find myself sitting at this laptop writing and deleting. I tend to repeat the process about 3-10 times. This month I seem to find myself a bit stuck. Perhaps this month I am not meant to provide my words of wisdom and deep thoughts. Perhaps this month I am not meant to cleverly wrap up the month into just one story. Perhaps this month I will let the events speak for themselves. It has been eventful around Jeff Street. A month without caffeine (Praise God, lent is over ). A month of goodbyes and new faces. A month of change and transformation.

We have had 6 colleges visit Jefferson Street in the past 4 weeks. Thus there has been some ‘extreme makeover-homeless shelter edition’ taking place. This can be seen both in the building and in the Hope team. There have been a lot of highs and lows with so many people running around Jeff Street. Things can become a little stressful and the workday has been a little longer. But in the midst of it all – there has been renewal. We have seen the passion and grace that God has placed in the hearts of the visiting college students and it has inspired change and transformation in the hearts of me and my team members.

We celebrated the graduation of 5 Fresh Start residents recently. It is bittersweet to say goodbye to many of our new friends. They have done so well and are an endless source of encouragement. The ceremony was humble, but moving. There was a well delivered message by the Executive Director and some tear jerking speeches from the residents themselves. It was a source of affirmation and motivation to hear their praise for the Hope team. Each of the graduates mentioned the distinct effect that we have had on them and that left me in awe. I often feel like I do so little – but God doesn’t need much to work wonders.

We are mourning the loss of two of our day shelter guests and realizing the true nature of a life on the streets. There is urgency in this ministry to share the Gospel – tomorrow might be too late. It is easy on the streets to build a bubble of ‘protection’ that hinders your ability to accept the council of others. That is why we strive to build deep relationships with the people we encounter daily. I am learning that there is a sense of obedience that God is demanding in this. Spike was 28 years old. He had a Mohawk. He was an amateur surfer. He was always smiling. I wanted to know more about him. God wanted me to learn more about him. But my own insecurities deferred deeper conversation. He was found hanging from a small bridge at Waterfront Park. Could things have been different? I don’t know. I am not called to dwell. I am called to mourn and repent. I am called to learn, to grow, and to change. "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death."

We attend Sojourn Community Church for our Sunday worship. They have begun a vision campaign that is calling us to remember who we were and where God has brought us. It is a campaign for the Church to not become nostalgic, but rather to push forward – to learn and to grow. It can be applied to our own lives. We must dream, set goals, and develop structure. We must organize and send ourselves forward. We can’t look back on what once was in envy. We can’t undermine the leadership. It leads to closure. It leads to a dead end. It leads to hopelessness. If you are on the correct path, if you are following God’s plan for your life, then you must press on. You must keep going. You must continue to develop and grow. As a Christian there are times when I wonder what life would be like if I never found God. There are times that I envy the life I once led or could have led. But as I see the fate of those who are stuck in paths that they have planned – as I see them crumble – as I see their bondage to addictions, sin, and idolatry – I realize I have only found freedom in this new life and that I must persevere.

Ryan is doing well. And he is struggling. His faith has exploded into his life and is transforming him daily – but he is haunted by his past…trapped. He lives with an old friend and is exposed to drugs and alcohol on a daily basis. The temptation is no longer there. Quite the opposite – he has witnessed the ugly truth. He has seen what lies under the rock that he used to worship. Now he is working and saving and praying towards escaping that scene permanently. He serves with his church every week. He is in a community group with fellow believers. He successfully gave up sugar for lent – despite my temptations of cake (I’m kinda mean to people during lent…). He has truly found joy in putting God first and has received notice and praise for the change in his spirit and demeanor. Let’s praise God for His great work and pray that it will continue!

I am wrapping these thoughts up on Good Friday. Today 2000 years(ish) ago a love beyond all love was displayed. As I ponder and wonder and imagine the mystery of this great sacrifice I find myself back in the warm Israel sun. Walking the Via Delarosa. Stopping at each station of the Cross. Feeling the weight of the heavy beam upon my shoulders. Feeling the sting of open wounds. Feeling the humiliation of spit on my face. Feeling the growing numbness rob my limbs of their mobility. I can only imagine the physical pain and mental anguish…I can only barely begin to grasp it. And as I do – I realize something that changes everything. I realize – God understands. Christ knows pain. He understands suffering. My struggles are not beyond him. He knows them – he feels them – he died for them. Good Friday is the day of Christ’s crucifixion. I pray that I will join Him on that Cross. I pray that I can die to myself anew and be restored to a new life in Him.

The next week will be spent rejuvenating. We have a week away from the ministry of Jeff Street. A week to allow Easter to permeate our minds and revive our spirits. I celebrate and welcome Spring (minus the allergies), but I pray that we will not confuse the coming of a season with the miracle of a resurrection. There are similarities: change and restoration – the blossoms of new life. But the meaning of Easter is not eggs and bunnies. It is death and resurrection. The meaning of Easter is not to gather the most candy – or the most good-works. Those who crucified Christ had a list of good-works much longer than yours. They lived the law to the letter. But they were blind. May we open our eyes and see that our sins are what bind Christ to the Cross. And our sins can stay on that Cross. They can die. We can be born to a new life – resurrected with Christ. Simply have faith in His promise. Repent of your sin. No longer live in the bondage of a sinful nature, but in the freedom of Christ’s pure Love. This promise of new life is Easter; that is why we celebrate.

Here I am still writing and deleting – and I feel like that is often my life. With seven months at Jefferson Street much has been added to my story. Much has been deleted – and edited – and revised. But this novel is not complete. I am amazed that despite my constant errors and inconsistent metaphors you continue to take interest in what’s to come. Thank you for that. Thank you for contributing to a work that is incomplete and sharing in its development. I continue to turn the pages, sometimes finding them already written and sometimes filling in the blanks, but I flip with excitement. For even when tears stain the pages and smear the ink, I already know the end. I already know that this novel is just the introduction to an eternal series. So even in a month of struggles, even in a month of praise, even in a month of transformation, even in a month of conviction, even in a month of tears – I can enjoy every moment and persevere – knowing that it is all part of the journey and that the destination will be even sweeter.

Blessings in Christ,

JC Williams

A Finger in the Sand

2010-03-22T17:08:00.000-04:00

There are things that you don't know about me. There are things that I keep to myself. There are things that are concealed in the dark parts of my heart, hiding - away from the eyes of my peers. But God sees them. God knows them. And He loves me despite them. I have seen some ugly things this year. I have seen theft, lying, cheating, addiction, lust, violence, and more. I have seen some of my own horrible nature brought to life in the bodies of those to whom I minister. It isn't pretty. It's terrifying. How do you love someone whose eyes follow each movement the girls make? How do you love someone who sells her body? How do you love someone who yells, cusses, and throws chairs? How do you love someone who smells of alcohol, body odor, and vomit? How do you love someone who stumbles with each step? How do you love someone who sells drugs? How do you love someone who has committed murder? The question is easy for most people. The question is hardly worth asking - the answer is obvious...you don't. You leave them to suffer. You let them kill off one another. You throw them in jail and let them rot. You don't invest yourself. You don't understand. You don't help them up - and you never love.

They grabbed her wrist and violently drug her along the ground. They spit on her. They yelled at her. They cursed her. With each step, the dirt of the road filled the air with a rolling cloud, full of dust and venomous threats. She yelled in pain, sobbing at the certainty of her future. And then she was thrown to the ground.
A steady finger softly brushed the soil beside her. She watched as it traced a pattern in the path. She was for a moment transfixed - the world forgotten.… Her heart pounded against the hot earth and reawakened her to the sound of oily speech, "Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?"
The voice was distant to her, a dream…or nightmare. The finger in the dirt – that was reality - steady, calm, reassuring…she knew she could be scared, but she was transfixed by the pattern the hand wove-then it disappeared.
Reality rushed back and her mind instantly pelted her with hard stones - almost drowning out the voice she would never forget, "Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her." She knew her accusers. They were men of the Law. They followed it to the letter. She closed her eyes and found her life flashing through her mind. She mourned at where she had ended up…and mourned that time was over.
Thump - Thump - Thump - Thump
The rocks fell, but not upon her. She slowly opened her eyes and once again saw a steady finger tracing in the warm Israeli soil. She looked up to a face haloed by the mid day sun, and tears rolled down her cheeks as the voice softly spoke, "Woman where are they? Has no one condemned you?"
The words fell from her tongue in disbelief, "No one, Lord."
"Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more."

Christ demonstrates a different definition of love. A love founded on forgiveness. A love founded apart from judgment. A love that extends beyond ourselves. For Christ has not sinned. He could have thrown the first stone. Her sin could have been quenched by the stones of the earth - but Christ satisfied them for her. "Sin no more," he commanded. Can we stop sinning? Probably not anytime soon. But Christ has carried the burden for us. He has taken the judgment away and paid the price. Our sins are washed clean - and in the eyes of God we have sinned no more. Hallelujah!

Daily I am reminded that I am not called to love someone worth less then me. I am called to love someone that God loves - just the same. Someone who God sees on the same scale of judgment. Someone for whom Christ suffered and died. I must realize that their sins have already been paid for - redeemed. Christ has atoned for everything - they simply must accept his free grace. I am not called to judge them; I am called to share Christ's good news. I am called to be so overwhelmed by the love Christ has given me that it overflows to those around me. I often fall short of my calling.

It is easy to become short sided and self focused. It is easy to get caught up in my wants and desires and to forget my purpose. It is easy - but not an excuse. Every morning I read,

You are a missionary.
On a mission from the Lord.
Your purpose is to bring praise and glory to His name.
Your purpose is not your own.
You belong to Him.
You were bought with a price.
Today is not about you.
It is about Jesus Christ.
Boldly proclaim His name
Give Him what he is worth with your lips and your life.

And I strive to remember that it is not about my perceptions. It is not about my wants and desires. It is about fulfilling the will of God. It is about serving Him – that is why I was created; for the times when I manage to quiet myself and forget my own wants, for the days that are about serving, for the moments in which God is placed first – these are the moments when the world seems a little more beautiful and the sun shines a little brighter. These are the moments we can live in forever. We simply must lean a little less on the world, and a little more on the Holy Spirit.

The mission continues at Jefferson Street. Your prayers and encouragement are vital. Send me letters and support - let me know you are with me. It is hard to love someone who doesn't know what love is. It is hard to love someone who doesn't want love. It is hard to love someone and not receive love in return. Give me your love, and please know, I love you all deeply, and I thank God for the support you provide me. It doesn’t end with me. It is a ripple effect that can continue infinitely…it just depends how large a stone you are willing to drop.

May the world seem a little more beautiful, may the sun shine a little brighter,
and may the Love of Christ extend a little further.

Peace be with you,

JC Williams
PS. Don’t worry – I do have accountability friends that I talk about stuff with...I’m not entirely secretive. :p

sick

2010-03-04T17:43:00.002-05:00

i've been sick the past couple days.
it's going around
wash your hands
it's not too bad
but you still don't want it.

i'll try to blog soon
i feel like it has been forever!

till then.

2010-02-23T23:51:00.000-05:00

As I drive away from Jefferson Street I am driving away from people who were simply dealt a different hand. They are people who want change. They want restoration. They are seeking after a new life in Christ - but things don't come easy.

As I arrive at my home church I arrive to people who were dealt a better hand. They are people who don't want change. They want more. They are seeking a life of worldliness - but things don't come easy.

I wonder how I can be involved in two worlds that are so completely different.

How can I be a part of the very bottom and the very top?

How can the two be seeking after the same God, yet never seem to be on middle ground?

We are very clearly told to provide for our Brothers and Sisters. Why do I find, in increasing amounts, my Christian siblings living in poverty?

The resources to end poverty are available. They are us.
We could end our city's poverty.
We can step up and build relationships.
We can step up and sacrifice our dinner plans.
We can step up and sacrifice our savings, for people who have nothing.

The Lord does not bless us with much so that we can hoard it for ourselves. He blesses a group of people. Your resources are not your own. They belong to all of us. You are choking a part of yourself. You are slowly spreading a cancer through the body of Christ.

No, you do not need that new phone.
No, you do not need another car.
No, you don't need to go out to dinner.

Because my friends are sleeping outside tonight.
My friends are struggling to find housing.
My friends have applied for 30 jobs - and still heard nothing.

Why should they have little, when we have much?

Share your resources: your skills, your love, your knowledge, your wealth, your compassion, your time. - share whatever you have been blessed with.

It was not meant for you alone.

Just an Update

2010-02-22T11:36:00.000-05:00

I haven't been sending out just basic updates very often, but I think I will start trying to do that more often...as much as I know you all enjoy reading my insightful ponders ;) ha..

Things have been a bit different around Jeff Street lately. Money is no longer a huge issue (it's always an issue...just not as large at the moment) with all of the churches that have stepped up to help Jeff Street in this time. My home church, Southeast Christian, has made some amazing contributions which is always great to hear...though I'm not sure that they ever sent a support check for me to the Hope program...so, I wish they would do that. :)

Things are also different with the Hope team. Due to some unfortunate, but God-willed events, there are now only 5 Hope team members (vs. 6). Lately it has felt like there are just 4 of us with our youngest member Caleb out each weekend. He is off getting scholarships at various colleges (he's kinda smart...or at least is good at pretending he is...ha). With just Darrell and I much of the time, it has been nice to see the two of us get a bit closer...while also being sure to still annoy each other consistently - though he would claim that I am more annoying...that might be true.

Lately we have been trying to re-establish our focus. It's funny, there was never a "refocus" meeting or anything, it just seems to be a common conviction amongst the Hope team right now to really get back into things. Caleb is having a hard time I think, just not being able to be here. It's hard to be split between the present and the future...but I suppose the future is the present before you know it, so you should try to be prepared...at least if that's where God's pulling you!

Anyways, we are trying to remember that we are here as urban missionaries. We are here with the direct purpose of spreading the gospel. It is easy to get caught up in the task aspect of our work. It is easy to get caught up in thinking this is just another job. It is easy to go through the motions and forget to learn about the people. We are trying to avoid that.

Jefferson Street Baptist Center is going through a state of change and transformation. As we came on as the largest full year hope team we were following right behind a new director and a new program. We have seen a lot of people come and go. We have seen a major shift in the ministry of Jeff Street. We have seen a change in the basic mission statement. We have seen a change in the board of directors. We have seen a change in the hours and style of operation. There are new requirments and expectations for the program. ...EVERYTHING is different. From the time we started up until this point there has been constant change.

So of course, the Hope program has been changing somewhat to. It has been confusing at best as we have tried to transorm along with the program. To re-think the way we go about ministering and to re-strategize as we have a new kind of client living in our building.

It has been a little bit frustrating to try to figure things out. We have been very close to alone in the process of transformation - as the transformation is also affecting the jobs of the regular staff. As they try to relearn their positions, it is hard for them to focus on helping us transition in ours.

I think, however; that we now have a good grip on things and perhaps that is the reason we are wanting to "refocus" right now to take advantage of that. It is time to get out of the mindset of tasks, and getting settled, and figuring things out, and to dig much deeper in the relationship aspect that we are here for.

This is not to say that relationships have not been formed. I have developed some amazing friendships while I have been here thus far. However, the friendships do not go as deep as I would hope. And they do not have the strong foundation that a true friendship needs to have.

Here are some basic things I want to do:

Get to know some of my aquaintences on a more personal level.

Become more compassionate towards the struggles expressed by guests and believe more deeply in the power of prayer. Display this by praying with them more often. Be more proactive in collecting prayer requests.

Be more consistent in asking myself, "How can I best serve both God and people, in this moment?"

There are more things...so much more...but I want to get this posted, so I will get to them later. Thanks for reading and praying. I appreciate you!

The Crashing Train of Desire (February Newsletter)

2010-02-13T20:28:00.002-05:00

“Tenacity! That is the key!” I can still hear the voice of my former English teacher echoing in my head. We need tenacity; we need to persistently seek something desired. Our persistence leads to adaptation, it leads to revision, creating an ability to adjust under heavy burdens, even an ability to avoid burdens. Far too many people have collapsed under the weight, it’s never pretty. But it’s all too familiar. Even in our own lives. Even in daily struggles, we must have tenacity; we must adhere to something. What desire propels us to continue our laboring? What desire compels us to punch in a few more keys? What desire coerces us to make dinner? What desire thwarts us from running away? For every decision we make, there is a deeper desire that motivates our response. Perhaps that is the core problem. Perhaps we are dangerously tenacious creatures; parasitically clinging to a crashing train of desire. The true peril lies in the fickle nature of our passions. They change with the forecast. One day we are assaulted by some unexpected hail, our tenacity gets the best of us…and we are on the 11:00 news.

Life is fast. Death is faster. That fact haunted my childhood. If I had one overwhelming wish as I grew, it was simply to live. Death terrified me. That base desire created a ripple effect in many of my actions and a careful step in my pursuits. But, because of that original obsession, even in the clutches of teenage hormones, despair, depression, and angst – suicide was never an option. All humans cling to something. We are hardwired to be tenacious, to worship, to idolize, to covet. Whether you are agnostic, an atheist, a Christian, or anything else – you should believe that there is a driving force that thrusts humans forward. Mysteriously we surpass our limitations and fulfill unbelievable goals. When you look at the pivotal moments of history, you witness creatures that have moved past their personal desires. You see monuments that shouldn’t be possible; you witness suffering that surpasses the darkest creations of Hollywood, and hear stories of redemption that redefine your purpose. What drove these beings? What passion ran so deeply within them, that even past their limitations they achieved success? Greatness, it seems, is obtained only in the moment that our desires surpass ourselves, but isn’t that a paradox? To sacrifice yourself for your desire…is it really possible?

“This week hasn't been one of the best of my life. I guess I'm using this note as a public confession. Earlier this week I was suffering from migraine headaches. Everything I tried wouldn't work and the pain wouldn't go away. So stupid me when someone suggested that taking a hit of weed would help. I listened willing to do anything to get rid of the pain. That one act almost destroyed everything I [have] worked for [for] the last 10 months.

I wish the story ends there. I'm prescribed by my doctor Zane x and I ended up taking way too many and ended up hurting and disappointing a lot of my friends. After I realized my case worker and friend didn't trust me anymore and [my case worker] thought I did a drug, he said I did, but didn't do, I lost it. Instead of doing what I should have done and talk to someone or even pray to God, I took over 30 of the medication. I tried to commit suicide.

The Lord, doing for me what I couldn't do for myself, saved my life again. A friend was able to send help and I was sent to Norton Hospital where I got the help I needed. The meds I was prescribed should never have been given to me. They were making my mental problems worse. So from now [on] I'll never take another drug of any type again. I'll be seeing a psych once a week and I will get better and stronger.

For all my friends and family, I love you with all my heart. What I tried to do was selfish and I should [have] kept the fact you all love me in mind. I will hang on to the cross with all my strength and pray that everyone forgive me. I'm still the good hearted guy [whose] main goal in life is to serve and help others.

Luke 9:62 "I promise this....I'll put my hand to the mop and this time really will not look back."”

-Ryan

Despite his circumstances, Ryan is abounding in faith and placing his trust in the Lord. He is beginning to see God’s subtle hand in his life, the importance of Christian community, and is realizing the complex pathways that the Spirit uses in our transformation. Ryan’s story reminds me of our ability to deceive ourselves; our ability to sacrifice our lives to want. He ‘tenaciously’ welded his very flesh onto the crashing train of his desires. Helplessly he watched as a Texas sized hail storm destroyed the tracks, created a deep crater, and he plummeted over the edge. The good news is…he is off that train. I have watched him wander, helplessly lost. I could not save him. He could not save himself. Drugs could not save him. Family could not save him…. He was tempted in that wandering. He was dragged into the world of dark alleyways – but a clear light pierced the night. And I smiled as he boarded a new train….

We see people sacrifice themselves to desire every day. Tenacity is a gift, but don’t super glue your hand to your head, be wise. What is a single desire that we can focus our life upon? What is a single purpose that can drive a straight path? What is a clear objective that will avoid the pitfalls of stupidity and overcome the wicked passions of our distraction? What will allow us to overcome the limits of our flesh without sacrificing our lives? Often we jump on the train of religion, politics, civil rights, activism, family, sports, partying, etc. There are innumerable trains. How do you choose? Some of them crash into one another. Some of them never make it from the station. Most of them lead nowhere. Often those trains are obvious, flashy, and full of warning signs. The true danger lies in the deceptive locomotive of complacency; trains that steer a flat course – complete with reclining seats. We can ride those trains comfortably, all the way to the grave. We must get off the train of religion. We must escape the tempting train of coexisting. We can’t even board the friends and family train. Eventually they all crash into the horrible pit.

Only one train has a way. It travels a narrow path. Other trains have tried it, they “think they can,” they’ve made it to the very gateway…but they always fail. This train is battered, torn, and easy to miss. The tracks appear rough and treacherous. Only those who are broken notice it. Only those who have survived hail storms, only those who have abandoned their destinations, only those who are wandering and searching find the train. They do not perceive the questionable exterior. All they see is the blinding light that casts away the shadows. All they feel is the warmth of its embrace. The train is full of the hurting and lost, full of the rejected and broken, the sick and the old. You are no longer an outcast; you are utterly and totally accepted. The train is called Christ and it bridges the pit. On this train we are able to overcome the limitations of our flesh without sacrificing our lives, in fact, we gain eternal life. The boarding ticket is free and unlimited. The only restriction is that you must leave your baggage. No supplies are needed – it will all be provided. This train will restore you. It will fix you. It will sanctify you. It will prepare you for the final destination – home.

Do you look down on others? Do you look up to others? Are you lost in a game of comparisons – of self-deprecation and self-elevation? I was…sometimes, I catch myself drifting back. But I have discovered that everyone is broken. Some people appear fulfilled, but they ride the steady train of deception. Others are welded onto a train of destruction. Are you better then Ryan? Are you worse than your rich neighbor? No. You are the same. We are all broken. Leave the train you’re riding, it is leading nowhere. It offers no restoration. Search for the battered train – shout its name, “Christ! I am broken; I am on a train headed for destruction. I am tired of carrying this baggage. I am tired of my fickle desires. I need a true purpose to cling to. I am a tenacious creature bonded to my passions. I need your restoration. I need your healing. I need your love!” Christ will come. You will be embraced, you will be redeemed. You are always loved. It might be a long ride, but learn to enjoy it; the destination is worth the wait.

Thank you for the support you offer both my mission and the mission of Jefferson Street Baptist Center. We are on the train called Christ. We make many stops. We encounter new faces every day. We learn new stories. We are broken, but we are being restored. We tenaciously cling to the cross of Christ. He gives us the ability to surpass the limitations of our flesh. We came without baggage, knowing he would provide. His provision comes through his body – the church. If you are a bride of Christ, if you are part of his earthly body, reach out to us, we need you. I need to hear the words of Christ’s encouragement flow abundantly from your lips. I need to feel the prayers of his body wash over me, protect me, and direct me. Christ has given me the compassion and love to empathize with the broken, but so many think they are whole. Pray for soft hearts. Pray for new perception. Pray for transformation. Christ has called me to be a shining light in downtown Louisville. To embrace the wandering, searching, and broken souls who are crying to be restored. Only He can provide the healing, but I proudly offer the ticket. Will you board?

In Christ,

JC Williams

An Unexpected Night of Prayer

2010-02-05T20:20:00.001-05:00

Tuesday night we were visited by several members of the Post from Southeast Christian Church (my home church). Just a bit of a reflection on the night....

Sitting on the front steps of Jeff Street I starred onto the dark street. It was surprisingly calm. A soft light of street lamps cast shadows, a random passerby looked curiously through the window, cars sped by - oblivious.
They trickled in at first…just a few arrived at a time. They seemed apprehensive. They seemed scarred to be here. It wasn't surprising…many of them don't come this way often. Many of them aren't familiar with what can happen on the streets. That's the interesting part…sometimes I wonder if the mystery or the true life is the scarier part?

Suddenly they arrived in full force. Before I knew it there were about 30 people sitting on the entrance steps of Jeff Street's front room. They were mostly comprised of 20-somethings - a good mix of guys and girls. Some seemed excited, some seemed tired. Some people looked impatient and a few looked calm. I myself was just a little confused - I didn't know what to expect.

They had arrived with a single word in mind. A single vision for what would occur that night. Prayer. They were here to pray. Over the building, over the staff, over the residents, over the guests, over provision - they didn't know yet what it might look like - but there was a faith that God would provide.

We went through a quick tour of the building, learning the stations that the homeless guests know too well. Mail check, bag check, laundry, showers, handouts, breakfast, hang-out spot - there wasn't much to see, but there is a power in picturing the space full of people. Full of the smells of homelessness. Unwashed clothing, fresh showers, too much cologne, lack of deodorant, ripe shoes, coffee, stored luggage, paper, predictable lunch…. The room was empty, but in just a few hours the guests would arrive - I'm sure silent prayers were beginning to fill the room. I'd like to think that we left the day shelter with a different aroma. The scent of joy and grace.

I talked fast, it was getting late. We quickly jumped from room to room learning about the changing world and changing times - trying to imagine the battle of living homeless, trying to imagine overcoming addictions, trying to imagine the obstacles of ministry in a changing city.

Community was a big word. The greatest poverty is feeling unwanted. The greatest poverty is feeling unloved - this building is sometimes full of poverty. We learned how we try to cultivate community, the important roles of consistent volunteers, the ability each of us have to impact and change a life - simply by being there. Prayers filled the second floor, they drifted through the corridor of ceiling-less rooms, they softly brushed the hearts of the residents.

We returned to the entry way. It was 9:00, time to go. We decided to pray instead. Prayers for grace, prayers for provision, prayers for boldness, prayers for compassion, practical prayers, spiritual prayers, deeply needed prayer filled our hearts and lifted the building to God.

A few people needed to leave, it was 9:20. The rest set out through the building. They prayed in various locations. They searched for the broken and hurting - they shared in their pain. The prayers kept rolling in.
Memories were made. Bonds were formed. Ties were created. Hearts will be called back to Jeff Street. The prayers will keep coming, for the need was real. The desire for transformation was apparent. Transformation can only come through the Holy Spirit, it was present.

It was sad to see the group file away. The energy of the youth, the passion of their prayers, the range of their emotions - it changes the mood of the building. Genuine smiles were exchanged, profound thanks was given, contact information was requested. I pray that the threads of connection will spread, grow stronger, and not be cut away.

Thank you for those who came to Jeff Street. When you work with the invisible, you sometimes began to slowly drift into a cloud of invisibility yourself. Thank you for seeing us, not through your own eyes, but Christ's eyes. Thank you for seeing us not as creatures of pity, but rather as fellow seekers, fellow children, desperately in need of His love. Our prayers go to you.

"In the face of the oppressed I recognize my own face, and in the hands of the oppressor I recognize my own hands. Their flesh is my flesh, their blood is my blood, their pain is my pain, their smile is my smile." - Henri Nouwen

Random Thoughts on Sin

2010-01-27T09:14:00.001-05:00

Is there a point on earth where we see the end to our sins?

Is it true that we will always be captive to our sin?

Is it true that even as we think we have overcome, we will fall to attack?

Is the battle hopeless until our death?

I believe there is always hope. I think one of the worst things we can do is say that we will never see an end to our sin.

The difference is that we cannot expect that end to come of our own power. For we are of the flesh. Our flesh is sinful to its very nature.

The flesh is weak.

"Since therefore Christ has suffered in the flesh arm yourself with the same way of thinking; for whoever has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin. "

We must deny the body.

We must be willing to suffer in our flesh.

It will feel like we are going against our very nature.

It will directly oppose the urges and cravings of our body.

But we must deny.

We must deny.

We must give no room to our flesh.

But how? How can we deny our flesh when it is the very fabric of our lives?

We depend on our flesh. It is necessary to live.

That is true if you are not a Christian.

If you do not have a different source of life to turn to, the situation is quite hopeless - you will never escape the bondage of sin.

As we grow in our faith, as we lean upon God. As we pray for the Holy Spirit, as it fills us, as it transforms us - we find a new fabric of being.

We are dying to our flesh.

We are dying to ourselves.

We are allowing the spirit - Christ - to live through us.

We are leaning on his perfect, sinless, spotless life.

But the flesh is still there.

The flesh will always be there.

Until we die and are given a new, perfect body - the flesh will be present.

Therefore we are called to suffer.

The trick is that, when you are in love, you are able to suffer.

Suffering doesn't hurt - we do it willingly to serve our lover.

Think of an addiction. Think of an addiction that has ravaged your body. An addiction like cigarette smoking. It destroys you. It eats away your very source of breath. With each inhale it kills you - yet you are unaware of your suffering. You are blinded by your love for the calmness it creates. Your love, craving, and dependency on this one thing has blinded you to the damage it is doing to another thing.

Christ must become our addiction. The comfort that he gives us. The love that we find in him. The fulfillment that can only come from uniting with him - it will make the suffering of the flesh a dull echo. As we die to ourselves we begin to live more and more for him.

This step is essential. There are many who have tried to die to themselves without replacing it with Christ. This happens often through other addictions. They replace their own desires with desires for lust, for alcohol, for drugs, for sex - they devote themselves to these desires of the flesh, they forget themselves..and one day when they are no longer able to feed these addictions. When they are lost to them…they often die…for these addictions do not give new life. Leaning on these addictions numb the pains of your flesh, they don't heal and transform.

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. Find the power of a new affection. The power of the ultimate affection. An affection that will transform and sanctify you - a power that will allow you to deny yourself -and one day grant you with a new body. A body where the flesh and spirit are both willing. The power of Christ allows us to confront and overcome our sins. We will overcome -by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony!

Community

2010-01-23T14:38:00.000-05:00

I can't help but wonder if God meant something more for us…if he meant for us to grow deeper in community.

So many times in the bible people are referred to as an entire population. Quite rarely does the Lord speak on a specific person. Most often, it seems that people are massed together based on their works and faith as a people.

We are deeply connected.

That is undeniable.

Much of the world however is bound in a selfish and prideful state of mind. We are caught in a belief that our life is our own. It is a state of mind that has been passed down through generations.

Mat 18:1 At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?"

Mat 18:2 And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them

Mat 18:3 and said, "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

Mat 18:4 Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

Mat 18:5 "Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me,

Mat 18:6 but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.

Children relate with humility. When we picture a healthy child we picture him active with many friends. He is running around outside…not sitting in the sandbox by himself.

This is the call of humility we must respond to. To live not a life in a sandbox, but a life affecting others.

We should feed off of the people we encounter - and we should always be willing to give everything back.

We are accountable not simply for our own actions, but those of our community. It is our actions that shape the people around us. Our actions can very simply cause someone to stumble.

We must realize that God sees the deep connections in our lives. He knows how our words and thoughts effect the people we are surrounded by. He knows and he keeps account.

When another stumbles, how quickly we point our finger at them…but perhaps sometimes, God points His finger at us.

Community in the deepest sense should be a realization of dependency on one another.

We should realize that we receive our strength from one another - but also that our interactions with one another are necessary for advancing the kingdom of heaven.

The way that we interact..outdoing one another in service, abounding in love - that is the ultimate example of Christianity.

We must remember that Christ dwells within. The depth of our love for Christ reflects in the way we interact with one another.

***

Important questions to ask yourself:

Is Christ holding the number one position in my life?

Does that reflect in my interactions with others?

Do I spend time alone to get closer to Christ or to focus on myself?

What is my purpose when I wake up?

What is God's purpose when I wake up?

Do I complicate the will of God with my own desires?

Do I set up my own expectations that create pain, sorrow, doubt, and anxiety when they fail to come to fruition?

Where do I find my identity?

Do I make my decisions based on my good or the good of the community?

Do I realize that "each one of them is Jesus in disguise"?

How do you act around the most important person you know? Do you treat them with respect and dignity? Is there a reverence? How much greater is the holiness of God? Do you treat him with the same reverence? Do you have an understanding of God that makes people pale in comparison?

What do you see first: the actions of the person - or the spirit of God at work within them?

Who is my closest community?

Who can affect me the most directly?

Am I realizing a "true" community with them? Do we build each other up? Do we willingly give and take from one another?

In times of stress do I lean harder on my community or do I turn to myself?

Is the base of my community God? Is it apparent in our interactions? Can our love be seen? Does it give testimony to our faith in Christ?

Do I smile when I see people?

Do people walk away from me happier…with more love then before?

Do I think that my purpose is to transform people - or simply to love them?

***

Quotes from Mother Theresa:

Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do... but how much
love we put in that action.
Mother Teresa

Pasted from <http://home.att.net/~hillcrestbaptist/mt.html>

Each one of them is Jesus in disguise.
Mother Teresa

Pasted from <http://home.att.net/~hillcrestbaptist/mt.html>

Many people mistake our work for our vocation. Our vocation is the
love of Jesus.
Mother Teresa

Pasted from <http://home.att.net/~hillcrestbaptist/mt.html>

Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary.
What we need is to love without getting tired.
Mother Teresa

Pasted from <http://home.att.net/~hillcrestbaptist/mt.html>

Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you
without leaving happier.
Mother Teresa

Pasted from <http://home.att.net/~hillcrestbaptist/mt.html>

It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always easy to
love those close to us. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve
hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved
in our own home. Bring love into your home for this is where our
love for each other must start.
Mother Teresa

The success of love is in the loving - it is not in the result of loving. Of
course it is natural in love to want the best for the other person, but
whether it turns out that way or not does not determine the value of
what we have done.
Mother Teresa

Pasted from <http://home.att.net/~hillcrestbaptist/mt.html>

The miracle is not that we do this work, but that we are happy to do it.
Mother Teresa

Pasted from <http://home.att.net/~hillcrestbaptist/mt.html>

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong
to each other.
Mother Teresa

Pasted from <http://home.att.net/~hillcrestbaptist/mt.html>

We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless.
The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest
poverty. We must start in our own homes to remedy this kind of poverty.
Mother Teresa

Pasted from <http://home.att.net/~hillcrestbaptist/mt.html>

Sweetest Lord, make me appreciative of the dignity of my high
vocation, and its many responsibilities. Never permit me to disgrace
it by giving way to coldness, unkindness, or impatience.
Mother Teresa

Pasted from <http://home.att.net/~hillcrestbaptist/mt.html>

Let us always meet each other with a smile, for the smile is the
beginning of love.
Mother Teresa

The Bystander Effect - January Newsletter

2010-01-18T11:03:00.000-05:00

“Petru Barladeanu was accidentally shot by Italian mafia in a crowded street in the center of Napoli close to the Spanish Quarter, on the 26th of May, 2009. The event took place at a moment when the street was full of people who witnessed the assault at early hours of the evening. Taking refuge at the entrance of a station, Petru Barladeanu fell and died half an hour later in the presence of his panicked wife who called for help. As shown in the CCTV video of the event the victim was surrounded by ordinary people who looked at the victim without giving any help whatsoever and then fled the scene. The victim eventually died and the perpetrators as well as those who refused to assist the victim have not been convicted.”

Feel the paper between your fingers. This paper links you to 150 others. It links you to the old and to the young. It links you to Christians and Atheists. It links you to married couples and divorced singles. This paper links you to people across the US. Each of these people lives a life different from yours. You might not like someone else who holds this paper. Some of the people who hold this paper make double your salary in a month. Some of the people who hold this paper are unemployed. Some of the holders are liberals. Some are conservatives. Some are republicans; others are democrats. Some of the people who hold this paper are full of blinding pride. Some of the people who hold this paper lust after countless impurities. Some find their fulfillment in drinking. Some of the holders are workaholics. Some holders have had an abortion. Some of the holders are pregnant and not married. Some steal regularly. Some of the holders think they are perfect. Some holders are depressed. Some holders find their identity in their children. Some live without a purpose. Some holders want to know who I’m talking about. Some holder’s think I’m talking about them…some holders think I’m not talking about them. Some aren’t actually holding a paper, but a mouse instead. Some holders have already put this paper in the trash. Some have already closed their browser. 150 people, each different, but bound together in a group. 150 people linked to a cause. 150 people, I wonder how many will hear?

The Bystander Effect - you have undoubtedly heard this term. Our awareness is awakened with the unreported stabbing of Kitty Genovese witnessed by 38 individuals in New York, the story above, and episodes of Law & Order and Real TV. We are shocked and horrified as we watch people suffer horribly through the eyes of so many passersby’s. It makes us doubt that goodness even exists in this world. It tears us to the core.

Why? Why do you expect someone to do something? Why in the face of injustice do we expect righteousness? What is righteousness? If we are beings who have evolved through survival of the fittest, why do we care as it continues to take its course? If people are born out of cosmic coincidence…where do we get a concept of right and wrong? If we are people, rather, if we are evolved apes, why should we expect justice to even exist? Why do we feel the pains of emotion when we are the one who is left to suffer? Why do we almost tangibly feel that if we can only hope hard enough, we will be delivered? What makes us long for deliverance? What keeps us from giving up?

My friend Ryan, a graduate of Jeff Street’s Fresh Start program has a chilling history. Abuse haunted his past. It traumatized his ability to build healthy relationships. It gave him an inability to trust those around him, even as they reached out to him. Yet even as he pushed people away, he pushed himself to the center. He willingly took the pedestal, longing for the attention he was granted in his abuse. Drugs and partying were quick to follow. He became lost in a scene of devastation. It’s a state that many will never leave, but as Ryan would say, “I found Our Heavenly Father.”

In the acceptance of a heavenly father he was able to move past the transgressions of his earthly father. He was able to heal his inner injuries. He was able to live for a purpose higher then drugs. He found his identity in something more meaningful than parties.

His past caught up with him. He was sentenced to a year in jail. It was not easy. Abuse, taunting, and isolation violently recreated images of his past, but he had a new foundation that could not be destroyed. Leaning upon Jesus Christ he led bible studies and ministered to his fellow inmates. Despite this, he did not emerge unscathed. Still young in his faith he was bitter toward God – bitterness led to doubt, and doubt led to regression.

His Older brother, not willing to allow Ryan to return to a lifestyle of waste, checked him into Jefferson Street. Ryan came…grumpy, untrusting, and mad at the world. He was bitter and sarcastic. He had lost sight of what was important. The change from that time to now is startling.

Ryan has once again found his faith in God. He has emerged with a faith not so young and naive, but of deeper understanding and maturity. He has found his rest in God, and a deeper transformation is occurring in his heart.

That transformation may not be complete, but it’s amazing to witness the process. It’s inspiring to watch selfishness dissolve into selflessness. It’s encouraging to see self adoration turn to Christ adoration. It’s amazing to see a focus on earthly relationships refocus into godly relationships. Ryan has reconciled with his father; he now regularly attends service at Sojourn Community Church, and participates in their local outreach program. A boy, who came pouting, has emerged a godly man.

I was blessed to hail in 2010 with Ryan and couldn’t help but be proud of him as he humorously interacted with my friends. His resolution is Luke 9:62, “Though we don’t have plows,” he joked, “a mop will work.”

The Bystander Effect can occur on many levels. It might be abuse. It might be emotional trauma. It might be addictions. You are a bystander to something. You have witnessed a wrong and done nothing to confront it. You have seen the elderly neighbor struggle and passed responsibility to her children. You have seen the co-worker lost in melancholy and passed responsibility to your boss. You have heard the request for volunteers at work or at church and passed responsibility to the many others. You are busy, he’s not doing it, I’m doing way more then she is – these are the excuses of a bystander. These excuses so loudly reverberate in our minds that they mute the cries for help as our neighbor is repeatedly stabbed to death.

I must confess supporters, I have felt this effect. There are 150 of you. 12.6% of the 150 have offered tangible support (letters, cards, donations, phone calls, e-mails, etc.). 6.6% of the 150 have offered financial assistance. Of that 6.6% 1 person has donated more than everyone else combined. So far, my most extreme donation has been < $1 in change from a delightful and caring 10 year old. It is not a small amount that concerns me; it is the lack of any amount. I need your visible support. I need to know that as I pray to not be a bystander to the “hurting” that comes into Jeff Street, you are praying right beside me. I know the prayers have been happening.

I have seen their effect, and I have suffered in their withdrawal. Please do not be sparing. Overload me with communication. I want to hear your prayer requests. I want to give you more of mine. I want to share in your life stories as I describe my own adventures. I, dear supporters, do not want to simply be a bystander to you.

I challenge you this year my friends and family. I challenge you to not be a bystander. Start with me! Send me an e-mail, write me a letter, mail me a picture, donate $10, put a note to pray for the mission on your bathroom mirror, send me a story…. Do not shirk me onto the crowd, I want you! Do not abandon me; do not answer my request only to satisfy a temporary conviction. Be consistent; fulfill the need for prayer, communication, time and money until the mission has ended. We all have our own journeys and I welcome you to mine. Inspire me daily.

You are linked to 150 others through this paper. None of our journeys are perfect. We each have the ability, however; to cling to perfection. I can confidently and undoubtedly assure you that we are not the effect of a “cosmic coincidence.” Our emotions and inner desire for righteousness are case enough for this. There is a creator who has a perfect standard. He has revealed his will to us through his word; he has manifested his word in the perfect life of Jesus Christ. We have all been bystanders, but Christ has carried that burden for us. When we take Him into our hearts we begin to feel, hear, and empathize with those around us. It becomes harder to be a bystander when you feel the tug of the Lord calling you to act on his behalf. The purpose of a Christian is not to judge; it is to convey the love of Jesus Christ to one another, and in effect, the world.

May Christ’s Love enter fully into our lives; may it transform us, may it comfort us, may it grow and overflow into the world around us. Amen.

Love, JC Williams

Humility

2010-01-16T16:19:00.000-05:00

Today I sat upon a stump.

The stump laid in the wood.

I surveyed the scene before me,

Silence

...Silence

Bird!

Silence….

Wind

Bird and Wind

Branches creaking in the wind

Birds flying

Branches creaking in the wind/bird

...Silence

That's when it caught my eye

There was a tree before me

There were many in fact

But I happened to notice this one

Not for any particular reason.

It was a tree in its basic form,

Nothing unique

Nothing distinct

Not large or grand

Not quite petite

It was just low enough

To avoid the wind.

I gazed upon that silent tree.

Standing still in its calm surroundings.

It gazed upwards upon those who came before

It gazed down upon their golden leaves.

It was not quite bald,

But definitely receding.

I watched as a bird landed on one deserted branch

And nodded as it spotted me in its round eye

It ascended to escape

I crept closer

Reaching to touch

Feeling the thin bark

Noting its smooth texture

Broken by rough bumps

My hand glided curiously over a knot

The tree did not move

I examined a small ant climbing triumphantly

What did it expect to find?

The tree did not move

I pulled on a branch

Testing it's strength

Letting it adjust

To the addition of my weight

Obediently the branch gave, just a bit

The tree did not move.

Employing my muscles, along with a jump

I less then gracefully began my ascent.

I casually pushed branches away

Some bended

Some fell dead

I trudged ahead

Aiming for the top.

Then I stopped.

Looking down and around

Even from this height

I was surprised at the quality

And superiority of the sight.

I was above so much, and below just a few

I could see much further...

The tree did not move.

With unexpected fury

A gust bestowed the tree with life

I eagerly hugged tight

The tree swayed, but did not give.

We rocked, playing in the storm

The branches laughed with a crackle

I grinned

The wind stopped...

We were still again.

As I walked my winding path

That had led me to my stump

I began to see oranges and yellows

And pinks and purples

Peaking through the bald branches

I could no longer see the tree.

*****

What does a tree see? It see's more then we ever see.

A tree is above most everything, but it never acts in superiority.

The tree knows it's purpose and in it stands firm. It does not waiver at small distractions, but it is not so proud as to ignore all interaction.

It dances in the wind and laughs in the breeze.

It gives just a bit when you need it to.

But it always stands firm in its purpose.

Humility is often seen a lowly thing. Many think they must grovel and beg.

That is not humility.

Humility is living distinctly for your purpose.

It is contentment.

It is wisdom.

It is an ability to see things as they are. To find your place within them, to except them. You must adapt to the changes of the world with just a subtle give, a subtle bend, but never fully sway.

Take the tree that is brittle and old. The tree that is dry and rotting. The wind blows and it breaks. The end.

To be humble we do not pretend we are greater then the wind. We give just enough, but stand firm (in the end).

As Christ stood before the Pharisees he did not give.

He did not cower.

But he did bend. He excepted their abuse and moved with their push, but never did he fully release - except to the will of the LORD. His beliefs stood firm and his story rang true.

Even to the blow of the axe the tree stands firm in its purpose. And still it dances in the wind. Even in each devastating shock, it knows its purpose is not to resist, but to give. And finally it ends. The tree falls, but its story still lives. It finds new purpose, and performs, as always, exactly as it should.

Christ Jesus, with a blow of the nail. Cries out, but doesn't resist. He leans on the story of the tree. Trusting its strength that does not give. And even when he suffers in his end, and his final draw rattles thin…his story lives. He finds new purpose, and performs, as always, exactly as he should.

I Cry Out

2010-01-03T23:17:00.001-05:00

DESPERATELY I CRY OUT,

IF ONLY YOU WOULD HEAR MY PLEA.

IN A PETITION OF URGENCY I BEG YOU TO LISTEN.

I URGE YOU TO PERCEIVE MY WORDS.

I PRAY FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND THEIR DEPTHS.

I WEEP FOR YOU TO KNOW THEIR TRUTH.

DESPERATELY I CRY OUT,

WILL YOU HEED MY CALL?

2009

2009-12-31T16:38:00.000-05:00

2009 began with an end
A relationship lost
So a more important one may begin
It was a year of struggle
A year of conviction
A year of fighting the plague of sin

In the beginnings of the year could I picture what might transpire?
Would I have known of the baptism of my best friend?
Would I have guessed I would be on a plane again?
Would I have expected to be changed in the sun of Israel?
Would I have predicted I would cry to God-Immanuel?

2009 began with HMA
In the bright walls of the Dojang
We counted her in...
Kids dancing
Koreans sleeping
Music shaking the walls
Barley awake
Pulled on by Monster

Was this a sign of the life I would live in 09?
Could I have predicted the summer camp drama?
Could I have known I would succumb to GMH farther?
Could I have guessed that HMA would begin to overcast my faith?
Could I have expected the path God would blaze?

In the midst of 2009 a change was proposed
To leave it all behind
To sacrifice my life
To follow deeper in the footsteps of the father
I would battle with the choice
Even knowing I would succumb
I would pray for a decision
Already knowing the outcome

So 2009 what a drastic turn you took
As you melted my old life away
As friends went to school
As I went MIA
Homeless
But full of Hope for what might come

Was this all an answer to the prayers I had prayed?
Was God providing the tools for me to chase after his ways?
How many times had I sang I was his?
How many more will I sing that again?
As the year twisted into something new…
Would I also transform?
Would I be renewed?

2009 what a turning point you've become
As I meditate on your last days
I see how I have grown
The transformation is not complete
Do not break the cocoon
I have seen what transpires

I am not yet complete

But in this moment I feel the culmination of 365
Experiences both good and bad combine
Mistakes seem more abundant then success
For that I have learned all the more

I wonder 2010, are you ready to begin?
As the clock turns midnight we will start again.
We will cheer as you are born
In your innocence we will pledge
To be better this year

Our resolve...can it be trusted?

With courage I will cross your threshold
I pray to cling to His ways
The cocoon grows tighter
In the fear of the unknown
Will it be enough,
To keep the darkness at bay?
Is this the year?

2010, will I emerge complete?

Fallen - part 1

2009-12-30T21:56:00.000-05:00

How I have fallen

I have fallen low

I have fallen deeper then you know

I have fallen into the depths of a horrible abyss.

I can't escape

I am trapped in the confines of a sinister grip

A grip that binds me

A grip that controls me

A grip that I can barley resist when it begins to pull me closer.

Only for moments at a time do I see the surface

Only long enough to catch my breath

Only long enough to regain my strength

Only long enough to resist until the next escape

Yet I fear that with each new attack

With each overwhelming pull

I am further from returning

I am hardened

I am transformed into something not myself

I am remade into something of the abyss

I feel the self I once was disintegrating

The new heart that filled me is now calloused

What hope do I have in this overwhelming storm

Where can I turn

Hope is slowly leaking from my pores

It turns black and feeds the flames of that which pulls

The grip grows stronger...

It cannot be resisted.

I think perhaps I was wrong

The abyss is not the world gone wrong

The abyss is how it was meant to be

I was resisting, but it was calling me

Now that I have unclenched my fist

Now that my pores no linger drip

I think that my eyes are clean

And I'm seeing what I am meant to see

The abyss was not what I needed to fear

The abyss was the reason for being here

Yet even as I feel the grip disappear

Even in the realization

I can't help but feel

Or sense

Or taste

Or see

Or hear -

Something...

There is something missing.

There is something, like a pinprick

Something not quite right.

But I shake the feeling

I ignore the taste

I close my eyes

The subtle whisper fades

And the wrinkle disappears.

A Season of Hope

2009-12-30T21:48:00.004-05:00

As Christians we are destined to live a life of many seasons. There are dry times; there are times of deep reflection. There are times of extreme grace, and times of painful conviction. There are times that we can hear God so clearly…and times when He seems to disappear. Someday, when I look back on my time at Jefferson Street, I think I will have a clear perspective of the entire experience. I think this year will be a defined season of my life, but much like a Kentucky forecast, just because it’s the season, doesn’t mean the weather is consistent. The month of November has encapsulated several significant shifts in the forecast of my faith. I have been tested, convicted, redeemed, and humbled. It has been a month of struggles and of victories. The best of times and the worst of times, right? Sometimes I feel like God is playing yoyo…throwing me down, letting me spin in a few circles, then right before I die - bringing me back. Thankfully that string keeps getting a little shorter, the circles don’t last quite as long and coming back gets sweeter every time.

The seasons are changing again. The weather is getting colder and the lines are getting longer. Jackets are requested with an intensifying frequency and coffee is disappearing in record time. But there is much to be thankful for. 430 – The number of blankets we received 2 weeks ago. 76 – The number of volunteers that served on Thanksgiving-eve. 211 – The number of guests that ate at our community dinner. 1000 flyers, 500 rolls, 393 plates, 100 deserts, 51 hygiene kits, 400 rolls of plastic wear, 100 copies of song lyrics, 1 donated bowl of Dingdongs, Twinkies, and candy canes…. One God was glorified and thanked. One Savior laid the foundation. One Spirit blessed the evening. The triune God was present – He filled the hearts of the wanting.

Thanksgiving was a bit quieter. The shelter was closed to the public, but the smell of home cooked breakfast started drifting at 7:30AM. Darrell, Caleb, and I - quite adequately - cooked potatoes, eggs, biscuits, and Sausage. Afterwards, we played a board game with the JSBC director, Tony, & Arnold. Arnold displayed the benefits of being ‘older and wiser’ as he massacred us…though technically the game was never finished, so I think I still had a chance. For lunch we enjoyed an “elegant” meal of White Castle Sliders. That evening we joined the HOPE girls at their house, along with Tony, Arnold, and Jason for a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner. The food was brought over by the girls’ neighbor and was “scrumptious”! We ended the night with a laugh, playing a “Classic” game of Apples to Apples. (Elegant, scrumptious and classic are trademark words of Tony…thus the quotes :p )

Christmas is approaching fast – parties are being planned and presents are being purchased. Christmas seems to come earlier each year. For much of the world, Christmas is a day of getting gifts, drinking eggnog, and putting up with family, but as Christians, we can look past that superficial facade. We can see Christmas for the season of Hope that it truly represents. We can remember the Wonder and Awe of a star twinkling above. We can remember the Glory and Reverence of the Wise Men's gifts. We can remember the Hope and Love of a newborn baby boy. It is easy to be carried away in the pulling current of contemporary culture, but God can lift us above that dangerous wave and give us His eyes for the season. When we pray for His wisdom, when we meditate on His word, when we remember Jesus - we can fully celebrate A Season of Hope.

This next month, pray that I will fully live a Season of Hope. Pray that I can conquer myself and be a true servant of Christ. Pray that I can surpass my own fears, pride, and self-glorification and be a true example of a humbled sojourner. Changes are transpiring at Jeff Street. Looking to the past and comparing it to the present reveals layers of deep evolution and change. Please be a warrior for the change God wants to see. Battle in prayer, battle in provision, battle in support – God is reshaping our ministry, may we not get in the way of His design. This month I have been thankful to know that I have a foundation of supporters, thank you. Thank you for being a shoulder to lean on and a brother or sister to confide in. Thank you for being both an example and a fellow traveler. I will pray for you along your journey. May Christ’s Hope truly be glorified in this season; may this truly be a season of HOPE.

Shine on,

JC Williams

Retreat

2009-12-07T16:06:00.000-05:00

The leaves and branches didn't stand a chance. The russet-brown hiking boots trampled their way through the seasonal forest floor; the gnarled walking stick guiding the way. Browns, reds, and yellows of every shade - some hidden in the long shadows of the trees, others shining in the bright morning sun - all the victims of the lone hiker.

He inhaled a deep breath - the scent of yesterday's rain was still in the air. Fallen leaves, twisted branches, and bright green moss created a seasonal potpourri. The scent was seemed warm, baked in the bright sunshine that easily fought it's way through the bare branches of the surrounding trees.

He looked ahead, eyes dissecting the land before him; gaging the ideal path. There was a question in his eyes. They seemed to twinkle in the sunlight - they seemed to be looking beyond the land for the answer. They seemed to be asking beyond the heavens - a hidden conversation....
The sparkle in his eye intensified at a seeming confirmation.
He surged forward.

There was a new confidence in his steps. He walked without fear - he walked in faith. Thorns appeared before him, but he did not stop. He did not detour. He took the obstacle with joy, finding ways to topple, trample, and traverse the dangerous path.

This new confidence - the twinkle of his eye - seemed to urge him forward. It beckoned him into paths that seemed illogical. He wandered ubiquitously, yet without hesitation.
Then he stopped.
He treaded into a clearing full of sunshine.
He looked into the sun; light flooding his face and washing out his features.
His brown hair shined golden, casting halos on his head and waves across his bearded face.

He stood silently in the clearing. His eyes closed. He leaned supportively on the walking stick, grasping it with both hands, bowing his head. The moment was quick and yet his skin prickled; perhaps the warmth of the afternoon sky...perhaps something more.
Then he moved on.
No looking back - he unhesitantly pushed forward.

Once again he moved with assurance. His eyes were careful to take in each detail before him, yet they pierced further, they saw a deeper plan. He seemed to make decisions before ever arriving at each crisis. In fact...there never was crisis, he deftly worked his way through with a joy and peace on his face. He smiled at obstacles before him. He embraced them, and sometimes avoided them, and sometimes was caught. Even in the depth of his troubles - even as thorns clang to him. Even as the path seemed to disappear - there was joy. And there was triumph.

The mindless hiking finally came to a close. Breathing heavy, he climmed with a look of expectation. He rushed up the hillside, avoiding trees, footing sure - even over the moss covered rocks.
Then he reached the top.
And he stood still - breathing deep breaths.
He stared forward. And slowly a smile was born upon his lips.
Gradually he turned - taking in the full scene.
Drinking in his discovery with profound satisfaction.

And what a setting. His eyes twinkled once again as he observed the tree tops.
He seemed for that moment to be on top of the world.
The tree tops were at his feet.
He was one top.

And yet...he appeared small. He looked humbled.
He quietly sat down on soft rock, blanketed with moss.
He curled into his knees.
Silence.

Utterly exposed to the heavens, the sun warmly flooded upon him.
He was hidden from the world below.
For a moment the world didn't exist - he had conquered its obstacles.
He had traveled its weary path.
The solitary sojourner left the world behind and allowed himself to be engulfed into the endless streams beating from the sky.

Just for a moment - he retreated.

Then he opened his eyes, picked up his walking stick, and continued on...

****

The Hope team recently had the opportunity to go on a retreat to a cabin that was basically in the middle of the woods. It was a much needed chance to re-energize and re-focus. With the building stress of the past several weeks building upon us and shifting our eyes away from our purpose, we needed the chance to simply sit before our God and soak in His light.

I went on a "faith hike" as I have decided to dub it and I recommend it highly. It was a chance to abandon my own plans. To simply follow the guiding signs of God. It was moving meditation.

The hike was a chance to reflect on the way I want to live my life. I had no plans. I only stepped forward with the prayer and faith that God would take me somewhere. I took each step forward knowing that God would provide the next. There were no paths. There were a lot of thorny branches hiding low to the ground. It was encouraging to know that God was guiding me and that if i encountered an obstacle, He put it there. He put it there to test me, to train me, to challenge me, and it did. It prepared me for the future. It prepared me for harder situations to come - it made the parts of the hike with no thorns that much sweeter.

There were times in the hike that I felt the need to simply stop and listen. Times to stop and look to the light. Times to rest in the warmth it cast upon me.

There were times in the hike that I doubted the path. There were times that I took the wrong step and came to dead ends - these were the times that I stopped listening - the times I put my own agenda before God's.

In the end I came upon an amazing spot to sit and reflect. It was a hidden hill with a wonderful view, both of the world below and the sky above.

When leaving the hill an interesting thought crossed my mind. In fact it was more of a question. It was a thought that determined the direction I went.
Are you ready to die?
Are you ready to come to me?

It was a thought that filled me with both excitement and dread. How I wanted to say yes. How I wanted to follow that call and run towards God. But my answer was no.

There were three paths. One was the way I came. The other lead to death. The third lead to new life.

I knew there was no going back. I had seen the top. I had basked in the warm glow - I wouldn't return to where I had already been.

I said no to death.

Of the three - new life was the hardest.
It was the path that made the least sense to take.
But I took it with excitement - knowing God had a plan, and I would be around to see it!

I reflect on this with amazement. It is the crossroads of a human right before coming to Christ. They can live the same life - knowing where it will take them. They can take death. Or they can embrace their faith and follow His plan.
His plan will not make sense.
His plan will not be easy.
But His plan is the only true choice.
And once you take it - it's amazing.

There were still struggles on this new path.
There were still obstacles to face.
I still took some wrong turns.
But I learned each time.
I learned to see the signs.
I learned to follow His guide.
I learned to see with new eyes.

As I ascended the final hill of my journey back to the cabin I noticed a distinctive tree.
I knew that was the next step of my journey.
I counted: "one"
and I looked ahead, sure enough another, "two"
I moved on in faith, "three"
I got a weird feeling there would be seven trees.
The road continued till finally I saw six, as well as the top of the hill.

I climbed the final rock, back on flat ground.
And saw my friend sitting there praying.
There next to her was two trees spiraled around each other.
And sure enough one of them was a "guide tree". "seven"

And she gave me the direction I would go next.

God gives us a path to follow.
When we lean on him, he will make our paths clear.
He speaks to us through one another.
He speaks to us through creation.
He speaks to us through His word.
We need only to be quiet - and listen with ears of faith.

Transparency

2009-11-24T18:31:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking and praying a lot lately on the matter of transparency.
I have a tendency to create fronts. To create masks. To create facades.
What a dangerous thing to do.
And yet I do it to avoid danger.
I do it to keep myself "safe" from the world...from you.
I do it to keep myself safe from your judgement.
I do it to keep myself safe from your distaste.
I do it to keep my pride safe from your conviction.
I do it to keep myself surrounded by people...i do it to avoid pushing people away.

and yet...it pushes God away.
When I deny the sins in my life, I deny God his glory - for he has redeemed me from those afflictions.
I hinder God from fully entering into my life - for I still cling to myself - I cling to my image when I should cling to him.

I am more worried about saving my self-image then serving my Savior.
I am so worried about saving myself - that I can't allow God to save me.

The times in my life when I have been painfully honest.
The times in my life that I have allowed God to come before me.
The times in my life that I have risked my own image to glorify HIS image.

Those have been the greatest times I have experienced.
That is what we are made for.

To rest wholly on our perfect creator, to deny ourselves, to cling to Him. To praise Him in the darkest corners of our existence and to follow his purifying light to Grace. That is what it's all about.

Right now I have to go...but I pray that on this blog you will find me... transparent and raw - a horrible sinner that has found the beautiful grace of God.

The Thrills of Black Friday

2009-11-23T20:48:00.002-05:00

The Thrills of Black Friday

Shivering in a line wrapped around the building.

Shivering in anticipation.

Joking with friends in the dark of the early morning

as our breath ascends in curls.

Rubbing our hands for warmth,

relief is sure to come soon;

complimentary coffee awaits...

until supplies run thin.

We smile cordially when greeted at the door,

but our heart waits ahead.

We push through.

We move forward.

The treasure is discovered.

The price tag is unbeatable.

With eager hands we grasp it to our chest,

we move forward - eyes set to the next victory.

The thrills of Black Friday...those are the thrills of a life of homelessness. There is something exciting and exhilarating in the unknown, but all too soon, the unknown is made painfully plain. The cold air no longer sends an invigorating rush. Watching your breath dance in the cold is an all to familiar re-run. Receiving free treasures humbles you to hopelessness. Suddenly Black Friday has spread into the veins of every day - and without a cure, the infection festers.

Like a shining star in a December sky - Hope remains. There is a cure - even when the veins turn black - even when they run dry - redemption can still be found. The cure is delivered to the heart. It is received by the ear. It is dispensed from the lips of a child of God. It is the gospel. With each item, each free treasure, the gospel has an opportunity to find its way to a listening heart. God can be glorified. The disease of hopelessness spreads fast, but a small ripple of HOPE can expand infinitely.

Communion at the Garden Tomb

2009-11-22T11:42:00.000-05:00

There were several memorable moments on my trip to Israel, but this is definitely one of high importance.

We are sitting in the middle of a garden, the location of the garden has been chosen to honor a somewhat important site: The tomb of Jesus Christ.

It is unknown as to whether this is the tomb in actuality, but there is a power here either way. I like to believe that this is the site because it has been preserved from being defaced by gaudy structures. Rather then the giant church housing the "shrine" at the other proposed site, this site simply relies on the beauty of the Lord's creation. Either way, as I said, there is a power here. I was moved spiritually. I felt the Lord's tug on my heart. Our tour began at the place of the skull...or at least that's what they think it is. It does look a bit like a skull.

We pictured the memorable three cross image, which is likely to be at the foot of the hill rather then the top. The foot of the hill is now a parking lot...not quite the moving image of the pictures, but a certain humble quality compliments the life of Jesus.

As of yet I was not feeling the presence of the Lord, I had been a bit spiritually dry that day, somewhat hardened to the overwhelming influx of biblical locations.

We moved on to the next location and I waited for God to work. I prayed for God to work in me. To feel His spirit move me, to feel sorrow at the base of his crucifixion, to feel joy at the site of his empty tomb. I felt empty, yet when I looked around, others seemed so full. I was allowing myself be hardened to the Spirit.

We arrived at the location of his tomb. A sign inside said something along the lines of "Rejoice for the tomb is empty.." I smiled as others exited, excitedly saying "Hallelujah, He's not there!" And there was something exciting about entering a real tomb, from the time of Jesus - and seeing - He's not there.

But where was he? Was he alive in my heart? Was I letting him in? I wandered to our next spot full of questions. Full of prayers. Trying to drone out the tourists. Trying to ignore the pull to take pictures. Trying to focus solely on what I was here to experience: Christ Jesus.

We arrived in the middle of the Garden where communion was waiting for us. Mark Moore, our guide, shared some moving thoughts. We reflected on the importance of this site - or the importance of what the site represented. In in this setting, how magnified the taking of communion seemed. At this site where his blood was spilled. At this site where his body was laid. The meaning of communion was alive around us.

To symbolize the great significance of this site and the serving heart of Christ Jesus, Communion was given somewhat differently. We were individually approached by Mark Moore and he placed the bread in our mouth saying, "this is the body of Christ, broken for you.." He was followed by Chris Ball who handed us a small wooden cup, filled with wine, as he spoke "the blood of Christ..."

The delivery was somewhat distracting, but the message was powerful enough to override something so trivial. Tears were in the eyes of many as the weight that Christ bore for us became apparent in our hearts. We broke away to pray, reflect, journal, and meditate on the sacrifice that Christ made. I wandered the garden taking in the enormity of what had occurred.

I found myself annoyed as I was distracted. Someone came up and began talking to me in the midst of my meditation. I felt like the moment was ruined and was somewhat bitter. Almost frustrated with God for allowing such a distraction when I was trying to get closer to Him.

How silly to think in such a way. I had this outlook that this was for some reason a special moment because I was somehow closer to God here then elsewhere. That is a ridiculous notion, for God is with us wherever we go. What's ridiculous is that I don't meditate on God in every moment. Why do I need a special excuse; a special communion to reflect on my creator? It should be harder for me to quit reflecting on Him.

It is also true, however; that I should take designated moments to meditate on Him. To meditate on his sacrifice. To meditate on his blessings. To meditate on his miracles. I should take time to intimately connect with Him - solitary time without interruption. How naive and selfish of me to expect him to conform to my timeline, when I won't sacrifice my own time for him.

The Lord blesses us with revealing moments, moments where his presence is made known. There is always something to learn from those times. There is always a message conveyed. Sometimes it is as simple as love and sometimes he is saying to stop coming to him only in moments of awe. Come to him in every moment. Reflect on him often. Meditate on him always. Then he can reveal to you the deeper parts of his will. Then he can make known his Glory in every part of your life.

The Effects of Opening Your Mouth

2009-11-21T12:07:00.000-05:00

The power of the spoken word is unmistakable. In it we can hear people's thoughts. It gives us a glimpse into the complex process of their mind. The mind is a powerful tool - a vast expanse - and a dangerous weapon. The mind can fool us. The mind can fight against itself. Being exposed to someone's inner battle...that can be scary.
Sometimes I can't help but wonder what battle is occuring inside someone that that single word can cut so deeply. Sometimes I can't help but wonder what grace is occuring inside that that single word can fly so high.
I just wanted to take a moment to reflect for myself on the importance of speaking with a quiet mind - or a grace filled mind. Speaking while an internal battle is raging...it is dangerous, even when saying something nice, it can twist and decay on the way.

"He who guards his lips guards his life,
but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin." | Proverbs 13:2-4

It kind of makes me think of the familiar saying, "if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all." Though maybe it should be tweaked..."if you're not thinking of anything nice, don't say anything at all"

I think in the end it is a reflection of our relationship and time with God. If we are meditating on His word. If we are allowing Him to live within us, our thoughts will be full of His Grace.

"...For in him you have been enriched in every way—in all your speaking and in all your knowledge—”- 1 Corinthians 1:4-5

It might not be a perfect concept...but it's something to think about.

A Stressful Week

2009-11-20T20:40:00.000-05:00

I can't tell you the full details of this less-then-awesome week, but let me just say...it has been a little stressful.

Last Thursday the HOPE team switched from having a weekly prayer and share meeting to having Triads. Instead of all six of us meeting together, the guys meet with the guys and the girls meet with the girls. This is a chance to go deeper in sharing our struggles, and keep each other accountable. It was great. We really connected and came up with some great base questions to ask each other every week.

One major piece of accountability I came up with for myself was time management. I am in desperate need of finding a balance in my time that will allow for personal devotion, reading, studying scripture, blogging, developing relationships, and getting all of my work done. To me it sounds somewhat impossible, but I know there is a way to get it all in there. I NEED to get it all in there. I am dry without spending time in the word and devotion with God. I have to get my required reading done. My entire purpose here is to develop relationships, and of course I need to get my work done.

Unfortunately, God has been getting the backseat. Whatsup with that? It seems like that is a common theme in many of our lives. When we get busy - God takes the backseat. I try to pray during the day, but that's kind of like trying to have a conversation with someone while on the phone with someone else...you don't really get the full message.

Anyways, right after this revelation - this new commitment to time management, our whole week was simply turned upside down. We've been painting in our room and have been staying at the house of a very kind brother in Christ. We will probably be there the rest of the week while finish up. That means much of my afternoon is eaten away with the actual work of getting the painting job done. We have limited time and limited energy for a job that needs time and energy. It has been a stress inducing combination.

But where there is stress, God is there to lean on. While this week has been dry, it has also taught me to lean on Christ. It has revealed to me the stress inducing, anxiety infested effects of a life not founded upon Him. It has revealed to me that when I get busy - I still need to put God first. He can provide what I need for later - I just need to give myself to Him now. Today is the Day, right? This is the moment. God wants me now.

So please be in prayer.

I attended a good friend's Work-Life networking event. The topic of this Christian networking was putting God first in your day. It was about His miraculous ability to allow you to get everything done when you simply lean on Him to do it. That was last Friday..maybe I should have listened better then...I think God likes to teach us through experience, that way it sticks in our thick stubborn heads!

Thank you all for your support - be on the look out for some video blogs soon...I hope :p

HE IS RISEN!

A Glimpse into the Day

2009-11-14T09:10:00.000-05:00

I was under this silly assumption that everyone knew what I was up to this year, but I guess, considering I haven't fully explained it, that assumption just doesn't make sense.

This year I am part of the HOPE for Louisville program. This program is a "Missions Internship". I am a missionary, simply one in my own city. Some people might ask why Louisville needs missionaries, to others it is obvious, but let me explain.

In our city there are over 11,000 homeless men, women and children; the large majority being men. There are those who have been homeless for most of their lives, there are recent additions. There are some who are alcoholics, there are drug addicts, there are veterans, there are mental handicaps, there are elderly. Some have lost their jobs, some have gone through a series of unfortunate events, some chose to be here. Some are from Louisville, some have travelled here, some are still traveling. There are also a few that simply don't fit into any of those categories. There is not a fit-all description to the homeless.
I think the best way to describe them is hurting.
They are in need.
But 'they' are also people.
They are not a label.
They are not their addiction.
They are not their disability.
They are not their living situation.

Much of the world forgets. And as the world forgets, they themselves forget. They become hopeless. Once hope is lost...there isn't much else.
My role, goal, objective, and even job is to build relationships - to remember who these people are. To know their names. To know their stories. To create friendships. To LOVE. To restore hope.
Of course...i can only restore hope to a certain degree - ultimatley my goal is to share Jesus. To share the gospel. To pray. Only through Christ can true, eternal hope be established. That is the hope that enables change.

***

I spend my typical day in the day shelter.

Day Shelter: The Day Shelter consists primarily of a large cafteria style room. There are three main stations: The Front Desk, The Storage Closet, and The Kitchen. These stations each provide services to the homeless and hurting as well as oppurtunities to start & build relationships.

The Front Desk: The Front Desk is by the entrance door and thus the initial checkpoint for people as they come in. It is both welcome and security. It is a great place to learn names and have a quick exchange. The front desk is also mail headquarters. It's a very popular spot around mail time - and can be a bit overwheling, Jefferson Street is a mailing address for almost 2000 people.

The Storage Closet: The Storage Closet is a unique service of Jefferson Street. Imagine being homeless and unable to saftley keep belongings. You leave a bag in a bush and come back to nothing. You have a bag on your back and it is ripped off. You go to a job interview and have to take in a piece of luggage. That is everything you own. Important papers, the only picture of your loved ones, money, clothes for winter, toiletries...everything. The storage closet is a place for the homeless to store up to two bags. The room is monitored and a photo ID is required to take out a bag. You can rest easy knowing your belongings are safe. This station is a great place to learn names and have a bit deeper of a conversation. It is an easy place to get some laughs and smiles.

The Kitchen: The Kitchen has many facets. It is the most popular of the stations. The kitchen has a window that actually looks into the day shelter giving you the oppurtunity to watch people interact. You can learn a lot about someone when you see how they interact with others. From the window we hand out toiletries, towels, washclothes, and give out breakfast. This is also right next to the coffee station. People like their coffee. Jefferson Street is now a soup kitchen and serves lunch several days of the week which simply means that much more traffic. At the kitchen you are constantly being asked for something, but sometimes - people just want to hang out for a minute and talk. Often, when you are in the kitchen, you can take some time to sit in the cafteria and play cards, talk, or whatever. This is where you can really begin to build a friendship.

By working these stations I can aid the homeless. But more importantly, I can meet an individual and invest in their life. I can pray specific prayers and be a tool for God to use in the shaping of their and my own future.

***

When I am not in the day shelter I am still at Jefferson Street. I live here. I live with two other HOPE team members in the 3rd floor apartment. I eat meals with the residents. I hang out with them, go on walks with them, get coffee with them, go to church with them. I am living my life, not as a homeless person, but along side them. I can not fully understand their situation. I don't try to pretend that I can. I only offer my love - and I give - as best I can, the HOPE of Christ.

God works in this buildling. Lives change. He receives all of the Glory. I am thrilled to be a witness.

2009-11-11T21:50:00.000-05:00

Another Israel Picture | Click the picture if it looks squished

2009-11-11T21:48:00.000-05:00

Another Israel Picture | Click if the picture looks squished

2009-11-11T21:46:00.000-05:00

Another Israel Picture | Click on picture if it looks squished

Today is the Day

2009-11-11T21:29:00.000-05:00

I am going to make an effort to share a bit of my heart.

To go a little deeper then the page and 1/4 confines of a monthly newsletter.

I want to take you inside of my thoughts, concerns, fears, praises, frustrations, struggles, celebrations, and daily lessons.

I pray that through this blog you can understand my heart and perhaps share in it's joys and pains.

I take things a day at a time.

Yesterday effects what I might do tomorrow, but today is the day to make it happen.

When the weight of the world comes crashing down.

When stress seems to be stretching me to a point of breaking, I simply remember:

Today is the day that the Lord has made, may we rejoice and be glad.

God provides what we need for each day.

Not what we want

Not only good

But what we need.

So even when storms come: Today is the Day

Even when stress threatens: Today is the Day

Even when fear looms: Today is the Day

God provides

And He will receive the glory - yesterday, tomorrow - and of course, Today.

2009-11-08T11:46:00.001-05:00

Click Image to see in actual proportions...this blog likes to squish things...

Are You Sleeping?

2009-11-05T11:15:00.000-05:00

Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, “Sit here, while I go over there and pray.”
And taking with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he began to be sorrowful and troubled.
Then he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.”
And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”
And he came to the disciples and found them sleeping. And he said to Peter, “So, could you not watch with me one hour?
Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Matthew 26:36-41

The garden of Gethsemane is not much of a garden. There are about 10 olive trees. The ground is mostly mulch with a pathway winding through. In the corner is a plastic table and some plastic chairs for groups to gather. We wandered our way to the seats while trying to picture Jesus taking the same footsteps. I debated which tree he may have touched (since trees live 2000 years) and decided it must be the one with the cross laying at its base. I wonder if his blood-filled sweat still lingered in the soil?

We recounted the events that led to this moment. We recounted the scripture above. We recounted the betrayal that would soon follow. In this garden Jesus prayed a prayer of agony, sorrow, and acceptance. He prayed in earnest. And while he prayed, the disciples slept. While he suffered, the disciples slumbered. As the weight of the sins of the world began to come upon him, the disciples dreamed. Our Savior set an example for us in that moment. He accepted God’s will – knowing the outcome. Even as his disciples slept, the very people for whom he would suffer, he willingly accepted his fate. There was no grudge or ill will. No self-glorification. It was a definitive act of grace.

After a group prayer we had time to reflect, journal, and pray individually. We spread throughout the garden, but with the sounds of cars driving by, the bright sunshine, and the voices of other groups, it was hard to imagine the nighttime events of Matthew 26. As I scribbled in my journal our guide asked me a quiet question, “Are you sleeping?” At first I thought he was crazy, my eyes were open and I was looking right at him, did it look like I was sleeping?

Of course it didn’t look like I was sleeping. I am the typical Christian after all, a master of the façade. A mask wearer and hypocrite. It didn’t look like I was sleeping at all, but was I? While Jesus agonizes at the weight of my sins, am I sleeping? While Jesus is bruised, beaten, teased, and taunted, am I sleeping? While Jesus dies on the cross, am I sleeping? Am I living to glorify my savior and redeemer? Am I living with the motivation of a perfect love? Am I “watching and praying”? Or am I sleeping?

I didn’t know what to expect when I went to Israel. I do know that I didn’t expect to be changed. I didn’t expect to have an “Aha!” moment. I ended up having several. The Lord revealed himself to me in the most profound and concrete ways I have yet encountered. It all began with the voice of a child. “Abba” was the one word that small child sweetly spoke to his father. Daddy. That shaped my trip. That redefined my faith.

As we drove by orthodox Jews in their suits and hats, as the little boys played in their kippahs, as the women kissed the western wall, I kept hearing that word. I realized what it means to be a Christian. I realized the depth of the grace Christ presents. We are no longer bound by ancient law. We no longer need a temple to encounter the presence of God. We simply need to open our mouths and proclaim, “Abba…father.” God now dwells within us, among us. Without ritual, Christ has made us clean.

Returning to Jeff Street was bittersweet. Israel lingered on my skin – I could still feel the warm October sun. But it was cold outside in Louisville. I was eager to see my teammates. I was eager to tell my Jeff Street Family about my experiences. I was eager to see how Israel would apply to my daily life. How thrilling to hear the words, “We missed you.” It is an immediate testimony to a relationship…and I missed them too. While in Israel I would wish Ron could see this or Paul could see that. I would find myself praying for Ryan or Clint. In the same instance, however; there was regret: that I didn’t know them better.

My final “Aha!” moment came in a shocking wave. It came in a force of shivers and tears. It came in joy and conviction. Driving to Jefferson Street the morning after my 24 hour trip home, I reflected in awe on the last 10 days of my life. I remembered the feeling of the rough stones of the Western Wall. I remembered the feeling of pitch black in the tunnel of Hezekiah. I remembered the child who whispered, “Abba…” Memories flooded me. Sights, sounds, sermons, feelings, tears, smiles…it overwhelmed me. The realness of Israel. The undeniable truth of the Bible. The evidence of God in such blatant beauty. The evidence of a savior in such a simple word…Abba. In that moment I woke up. I had been sleeping. I had slept through the miracle of God’s perfect love. In that moment I knew that there was no higher purpose in my life than simply to love others as Christ has loved me. In that moment the conviction of my selfish pursuits hurt. I was pierced and liberated. I was given a new motivation.

The last verse above reads, “Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” My spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak. I need your support and supplication. Thank you for your encouragement. Thank you for your convictions. Thank you for your prayers. Please continue to give them in abundance. Please give to the full extent the Lord compels you. Pray that I will overcome the limitations of my body, and exceed the expectations of my spirit. My prayers are always with you. Relationships are budding even as autumn descends upon Louisville; while the trees and flowers whither, let’s work together to help our city bloom.

…and maybe ask yourself the question…Are you sleeping?

Reflections on Israel

2009-10-27T10:58:00.000-04:00

I went to Israel without expectation.
I went to Israel without inspiration.
I went to Israel without purpose.
To experience - to escape - to search.

To walk the rocks that Jesus walked
To see the Holy sites
To pray where Jesus prayed
To sail on the Galilee
To wade in the Jordan
To touch the star of Nativity
To enter the empty tomb
To sing songs of praise
To travel the Via Delorosa
To see the dead sea scrolls
To float on its salty waters
To climb mt Carmel, Masada, Moriah...
To enter Jerusalem

Each site - another message
Another lesson
A remnant of God's word
Echos
As the afternoon prayer fills the air
As the Jewish people rock in response
As the women plea in the tunnels of the western wall
As the tassels of the orthodox sway
As the little boys, in their kippah, play
Earnestly God is sought
but lost.
the arc is gone
the temple is a mosque.
God is there: in the echos of the past
God is there: in the bread crumbs of the future
God is there: in the hearts of Christians

I leave Jerusalem filled with sorrow
My thoughts are with the hands that cling to the Wailing Wall
Hands that despratley seek God's presence
Hands that seek to be pure
Hands stained with the blood of the Lamb
"Abba" I heard the little child say
My heart broke.
A word so pure - Father
If only they cried out to the Lamb - "Abba!"
I have a prayer of hope for the day that will come
A day when the Lord will reign
A day when the tongues of his Children will confess His name
A day when the Wall will be but a wall
The Arc will no longer be sought
For the spirit of the Lord will dwell within
And his blood will purify
and redeem
and restore
and heal His Holy Land.

I went to Israel without expectation
and traveled without a purpose
Inspiration was found in the visions of the past
and God's expectations were made clear
I have a purpose
to love.
To love the Lord
to love His people
to love His creation
To love without fear
To love in persecution
To love when it hurts
To love when it's helpless
Even as I emerge from the winding halls of the Holocaust Museum
haunted by testimonies
followed by pictures
overflowed with names
Love.
Even as I gaze across Masada and see a gleam of the past
of murder
of suicide
of destruction
Love.
The temple has been restored
it is present in our hearts
and we are purified by His perfect sacrifice.
We are His tools to reach the broken
We are His tools to share His good news
We are His tools to sing His glory
We are His tools for Love.
We are not alone
We are strengthened by the Lord
He will provide
He will restore

I traveled to Israel
The land of the Lord
only to find
He was already abiding in my Heart

Holy, Holy, Holy

2009-10-07T10:49:00.000-04:00

"Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty..." "Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty" His voice was worn and off-key. The melody was rigid and un-flowing. The extent of lyrics went no further. But the eight words he sang continuously; those words rang, shining and clear, Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty.

One month at Jefferson Street and things are already beginning to drastically change in my life. I can see the difference in my relationship with God and others as I begin to more closely examine who God is and the way He expects me to respond to His word and His people. It is so easy for me to brush God off as my conscience, to respond to Him as a voice in my head rather than the master of my life. God is challenging me to reflect upon Him in ways I never have. To reflect upon my own heart in ways I never have:

43Why is my language not clear to you? Because you are unable to hear what I say. 44You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire…” John 8:43-44

How many times have I heard the saying, “look inside yourself to find the answer…”? Until we are reborn in Christ, looking inside ourselves is council with the devil. We sometimes have beautiful thoughts, but beauty can be devastatingly deceiving. At Jefferson Street Baptist Center, the focus is to spread the good news of Jesus Christ. You can't find that news by looking at yourself. You can't find that news by looking at your problems. You can't find that news by looking at what you want. -You find the Gospel when you look outside yourself. The world is full of Good News. By building acquaintances, then relationships, and finally friendships, we can demonstrate Christ's Good News. The Day Shelter, giving handouts, storing bags, checking mail, offering laundry, showers, restrooms, food, chapel, coffee - it's all there to build relationships. That is my purpose.

Everyday about 150 Homeless men and women come in. Many of them are new. Some I never see again. But there are some who come every day. There are some who know my name. There are some who start conversations. There are some that ask how I'm doing. There are some that recognize me when I'm walking down the street. There are some that are genuinely glad to know me. I never thought I’d be friends with a homeless person. I never thought we would change each other’s lives. Wow. God is good.

"Do you know that song?" he asked, stopping just a moment to do so. As I smiled and nodded vigorously, he was already singing again. Martin Jones is a man who loves to sing to the Lord. He didn't say much, but he left the song with me, and that warmed my heart. I was learning what it meant to passionately follow God.

The relationships that are built at Jeff Street can have a lasting change. If that relationship can lead to God, the change is eternal. You, your family, your friends, and your co-workers: you can all be agents of Change, conveyors of Hope, and providers of Love. Pray for Jefferson Street. Pray for their ministry. Pray for the guests. Pray for the staff. Pray for the Hope team. We need prayers for discernment, boldness, benevolence, grace, and mercy. We need prayers for faith, discipline, wisdom, and knowledge. We are trying to serve God, but we are imperfect people. Finally, pray for provision. Week to week we watch God provide. Sometimes we might be short, but He still provides. Jeff Street has truly leapt into the Lord’s hands this year. They have opted out of $40,000 of government funding. This funding was hindering their ability to share the gospel…that was reason enough. We need care-items, food, and money to keep the ministry going. If you could be God’s answer to a prayer of provision, please step-up.

I looked at the person serving next to me. They weren’t impressed by Martin’s singing. I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised…it was a usual occurrence. I think many of us are numb to the gifts that God bestows daily. I found myself questioning my own sense of self-entitlement. What do I expect to receive in a day? What do I deserve? Our very lives are a gift we can never reciprocate, but with God’s Grace we can help others open the gift for the first time.

Thank you for being a supporter. While Christ is my foundation, you are the pillars He has provided. When things get tough, it means so much to know that you are praying for me. There are times of frustration, joy, sorrow, and success – some have passed and some are to come. But today, today is a day that the Lord has made, let us spend it to honor His Glory, Amen!

Rainstorms & Floods

2009-09-26T10:28:00.000-04:00

Another day done. Another check-mark completed. Another welcome rest soon to come.
The rain was steadily falling, and my spirit was like the outcast...cloudy.
I'm not a fan of the rain.
The day was not going my way, so I should have expected the knock on the door.
I should have realized that bad days only get worse.
I should have expected a thundering rain to bring a flood.

I guess even the rain enjoys a good shower, hanging out in the day shelter, and grabbing a bite in the kitchen - it was everywhere.
The entire first floor was alive with a good inch of water - blended with backed up sewage, bathroom floor residue, and the abandoned debris of 150 homeless men and women. I wore sandals.
We armed ourselves with floor squeegees, brooms, mops, towels, and blankets - an intricate system of dams and water redirection was laid out in an effort to guide the rain home.
We had three small water pumps that were just slightly above worthless.
The bulk of the water had to be physically pushed and pulled with brooms to the nearest drain or door. There was one such drain, and one such door. The water was in 12 different rooms.
I felt a storm of hopelessness raging inside of me.
The storm grew as many residents sat and watched, not helping.
The storm grew as the water just got deeper.
The storm grew as I continued to rely on myself.
Then a song came into my head. And another. And Another.
Instead of the impending storm, there was only music.
And not just music...worship.

Even as the broom began to blister my hands. Even as a new water filled room was opened.
Even as the clock clicked past midnight.
Even as some of the help gave up.
Even as I wanted to give up.
Worship.

God was still there. He is always there.
I only had to take my eyes off of myself.
I only had to give Him my anger.
I only had to release my own grip...then He took hold.

12:30AM. The water was gone, God was still there.