Transparency

I have been thinking and praying a lot lately on the matter of transparency.
I have a tendency to create fronts.  To create masks.  To create facades.
What a dangerous thing to do.
And yet I do it to avoid danger.
I do it to keep myself "safe" from the world...from you.
I do it to keep myself safe from your judgement.
I do it to keep myself safe from your distaste.
I do it to keep my pride safe from your conviction.
I do it to keep myself surrounded by people...i do it to avoid pushing people away.

and yet...it pushes God away.
When I deny the sins in my life, I deny God his glory - for he has redeemed me from those afflictions.
I hinder God from fully entering into my life - for I still cling to myself - I cling to my image when I should cling to him.

I am more worried about saving my self-image then serving my Savior.
I am so worried about saving myself - that I can't allow God to save me.

The times in my life when I have been painfully honest.
The times in my life that I have allowed God to come before me.
The times in my life that I have risked my own image to glorify HIS image.

Those have been the greatest times I have experienced.
That is what we are made for.

To rest wholly on our perfect creator, to deny ourselves, to cling to Him.  To praise Him in the darkest corners of our existence and to follow his purifying light to Grace.  That is what it's all about.

Right now I have to go...but I pray that on this blog you will find me... transparent and raw - a horrible sinner that has found the beautiful grace of God.