A Collection of Half-Thoughts from July

Written in July

If I looked you deeply in the eyes and told you -- My life has been utterly transformed by the one true God, Jesus Christ -- would you believe it?  The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control…sounds like a hallmark card.  Sounds redundant.  Sounds like an Oprah book club selection.  Sounds like something I have heard one too many times.  Rather then allowing the Spirit to affect my life, I have become apathetic, resistant to transformation.  Sin is like a virus, ever adapting to the medication.  Developing immunity.  Growing stronger with each attempted cure.  My immunity did not come from apathy --apathy is the result.  I have battled sin through my own works and the sin continues to adapt and conquer.  After this weary existence, I doubt that I could look you very deep in the eyes, even less to profess that Jesus Christ has transformed me.  It is not that the claim is fraudulent, it is that sin has shielded my heart from the truth.  The cure is readily available, the problem is that instead of taking it, I continue to rely on my own strength.

*****

I have wasted so much of my life trying to prove something.  I have done so much to simply gain the approval of those around me.  But in this moment I realize, it is not a waste, for now I realize with tears on my cheek, that I have nothing to prove.  God already believes in me.  He has trusted me to the point of death.

*****

Humans are fragile.  We sometimes pretend that we can make it alone.  Sometimes we try to run on our own steam.  We put up tough fronts.  We shrug off questions, concerns, and compassion.  In our prideful self-sufficiency we destroy our ability to care.  It might be because we were ignored in middle school.  It might be because we were abused by our father.  It might be because our best friend died.  It might be because we are trapped in a secret.  It might be because we were hurt, neglected, left behind, ignored, abused, despised, called names, unappreciated, belittled…it might be a lot of things.  But in the end we create our own torture.  We stop allowing ourselves to feel.  We stop allowing ourselves to care.  We stop living.  We become slaves.  A perfect ending cannot end in slavery.  There must be good news.  There must be redemption.  There must be freedom, but more then that, for simply being free…well that allows it to happen again.  We could repeat the cycle.  We could fall deeper then before.  In the perfect ending we would be guaranteed joy.  In the perfect ending we would instead of being miserably alone...be united perfectly together.  In the perfect ending we would not only be fulfilled, but each person around us would be fulfilled and we would no longer need to use one another, but simply enjoy one another.  In the perfect ending we would finally stop worrying about the perfect ending.  We would instead simply...live.

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The quote on my blog reads, "Yesterday and Tomorrow are important only when carefully grown to blossom Today." The immediate yesterday and tomorrow are only important in how we allow them to affect us today.  Yesterday's fears should embolden us today.  Tomorrow's anxieties should humble us today.  Yesterday's mistake should grant us wisdom today.  Tomorrow's hope should give us excitement for today. If today you believe in Christ then tomorrow you might reach that perfect ending.  If yesterday you believed in Christ then today you might reach that perfect ending.  Today we are joyful for today we might be with Christ

 I like to think of this in terms of the cross...to tweak the quote to remind myself of another important truth:  "Today is only important because of yesterday's sacrifice and tomorrow's promise."  Today is only important  because Christ died for us granting us an eternal inheritance.  The events that lead us to this moment.  The events that will lead us to eternity.

*****

How do I maintain a state of constant meditation on God?  How do I remain constantly in prayer?  How do I overcome the tendency to dismiss God to only small moments of my life…and instead learn to find him in every aspect?  God is everywhere and everything…but not in the sense that we can worship everything…only in the sense that when we are in tune with him we realize that we are never away from him.  Each decision and each action each situation and every moment has to do with God.  Even as my fingers move and I type how do I begin to make it glorify God more?  Is it by becoming so natural at typing that rather then thinking about where my fingers are going I actually am able to meditate on God?  Do my fingers become a source or trigger of a deeper state of being that will allow me to focus on God with greater span then I once did?