The Perfect Ending (Part 1)

I have this desire to create a perfect ending.  I want to somehow change your thoughts and perspectives on Christianity, Homelessness, and the Poor in the course of my remaining two newsletters.  My time is almost over, and I feel this push to create a masterpiece of a letter that will transform your mind.  I do not know if I will succeed.  I do not know if you will experience a transformation that will begin to compare to my own, but I want to share as much as possible.  Perhaps in the desperation of my words you will realize that something drastic has happened.  You will realize that something drastic is at work.  Perhaps you will see that there is a cause to this transformation…perhaps you will begin to seek a transformation in your own life.  I do not want you to be like me.  I do not want you to become a vigilante for the poor.  I do not want you to start throwing money.  I want these words to soak into your heart and begin to pump through your veins.  I want to fill you with something more potent than your blood.  I want to create a sensation within you that will never die.  I do not know if a newsletter can do that, but I aslso send prayers.  And prayers certainly have the power to bring the impossible to life.

On a sunny day early in September I arrived at Jefferson Street.  I had my sunglasses on and some sort of stylish something, but purposefully not too stylish.  I wanted to come off as cool, but not as trying-to-look-cool.  I wanted to come off as not-poor, but not in-your-face-wealthy.  I smiled cordially to those I passed.  A smile that conveyed a 'you're welcome in advance for all the great things I am going to do for you.'   I came committed to the program.  I was ready to serve.  I was ready to be changed.  I was ready to cut off the rest of my life for a year.  I was ready…I kept telling myself, over and over.  Looking back in time, watching myself from a distance…I wasn't ready.  It was written all over my every action.  I had no idea.  It's fun to look back and chuckle.

And it’s humbling to look forward to the future.  If I changed so drastically in a year – if I was so damaged with only the slightest inkling – how much more damaged will I discover I currently am when I look back in ten years?  Sometimes I catch myself with a mindset of perfection, blind to my shortcomings…how naïve.  Perfection is something to strive for, but I am far from reaching it.  And on my own power, I never will.  Perhaps that was one of my first lessons.  There are many things that we think we know, but we do not really understand.  This was one of them.  I so often would strive for perfection, using my own strength.  But I have limits.  Humans have limits.  Every night we sleep.  Every day we eat.  We get hurt.  We get angry.  We get jealous.  We are affected by everything.  We are not constant or consistent.  And we are often oblivious because, in our minds, our actions affect no one but ourselves. 

Teenagers are often pointed to as impossible.  I would not dare argue that, I have taught my share of teenagers and it is fun only about 10% of the time, being generous.  But I would venture to say that a large part of this impossibility is simply that they are finding the ability to think their own thoughts.  They have developed habits.  They do many of the same things as adults, the thing is - adults can escape.  We have our own place, we have cars, we have money.  We are able to escape when things get tough.  Teenagers live in constant community with their family.  They are there for the good moods and the bad moods.  Community is present when they are hurt, angry, or jealous.  Someone is constantly there.

That is the Hope program.  Someone is constantly there.  So as I arrived with my well-thought attire and carefully-planned words, others were watching my every action.  Every time I was prideful, they were there.  Every time I was angry, they were there.  Every time I was tired, they were there.  The guise of perfection was quickly torn to shreds, and I was forced to stand exposed as another person unable to make it on their own.  Which is what I should have been all along.  God can't work in perfect people; nobody would know He was there if a perfect person kept being perfect.  But when imperfect hypocrites begin to do miraculous things, we begin to glimpse the power of a perfect God.

And when you are one of those imperfect people, being used by a perfect God...you get chills. 

Coffee, Sugar, & Cigarettes.  Those were the first three words I shared in my first Jeff Street newsletter.  I explained them as a uniting factor, bonds of community in a place where community comes sparingly.  I went on to explain this great revelation that I had in my first month:  homeless people are people too.  How obvious, and yet, vital.  It is a lesson that I have relearned over and over.  It seems that as much as I try to convince myself otherwise, I am fixated upon this thought that I am more important than anyone else.  Would you agree?  Am I more important than you?  Of course you say, 'surely not!'  But I would dare to go so far as to assume that you have the thought that you are more important than me (whether you have directly thought it, or simply conveyed it through actions).  In truth, I have discovered, no one is more important than another.  We each have the ability to affect one another and, in turn, we are each equally able to shape the course of history.  Our small inconsistencies, glitches, and errors that we brush off (because they do not affect our ability to live our own lives) can greatly affect the people that are around when they occur.  No human is so consistent or constant as to be unaffected by the happenings of the world around them.  And to realize this is freeing to the trap of self; when I realize that I am no more (and logically no less) important than anyone around me, I no longer place people on pedestals or in ditches.  I am able to learn and teach equally all the people around me.  We must understand that from everyone we encounter we have something to learn – and in turn, we have something to teach.

These thoughts were far from my mind upon my arrival to Jeff Street, but they were already being put into action by God.  As I walked into the building on that sunny September day, I was already being watched, from the third floor.  Ryan was on the phone as he saw me pull in, and he made the instant decision to hate me and avoid me.  He instantly assumed I would have nothing to offer, and I would find myself assuming the same about him.  Today I can state, Ryan and I have deeply impacted one another's lives.  It gives me chills to think about it, because we are two hypocrites, obviously imperfect, being used by a perfect God.

To be Continued…

I am so thankful that you continue to read and support the mission.  I thank God that I have you to share my stories and revelations with.  It can be lonely sometimes – serving others is not always an immediate reward.  People often do not express any kind of thanks.  It is a constant check on my heart to evaluate why I continue to serve. I must constantly preach to myself the reason for my service.  I am not here to receive thanks – I am here because I am thankful.  I am here to serve God, so please pray that I will remember that my every action should reflect that.  Pray that I will work for the Lord, and that I am able to do so because he works through me.  Pray that I will continue to be transformed and sanctified by the power of the Holy Spirit.  Finally, pray that my transformation will not be hollow; that upon leaving Jeff Street you will see the work of God in my actions.  I pray that you will remember my many faults, and that God will replace them with the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  I pray that you will be amazed and thank God because of this, for it will not be of my own power, but His.  Thank you for your prayers and encouragement.

I am always happy to hear from you: to.jc.williams@gmail.com.

Blessings in Christ Jesus,

JC Williams